


Broken Doesn't Mean Unfixable

by thegalrahobbitofplantetgalilfrey



Series: Breathe [9]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Cosmo is a good boy, Fluff, Gen, PTSD, Pain, Panic Attacks, Recovery, Torture, Vivisection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-08-10 19:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20140561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegalrahobbitofplantetgalilfrey/pseuds/thegalrahobbitofplantetgalilfrey
Summary: All of the paladins are excited to return to Earth.All except one, that is.





	1. Welcome Home

"I want to talk to you.” Shiro’s voice crackled quietly over Lance’s headset. They’d landed the lions on a moon far away from Earth to avoid the Galra, and everyone was getting ready for the flight to Earth.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“No. In person. Tell the other paladins. Except Keith.”

Lance frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, hopefully, but I just want to be safe.”

Lance quietly rounded up the others, and they met Shiro near the black lion. “Shiro?”

“I don’t trust Sanda,” Shiro said bluntly, “I don’t trust her not to try and grab Keith again while we’re on Earth. The plan was to go immediately to the top command, but I’m not sure if we can do that anymore, and we might need anything Sam has been able to rig up on Earth. And for that, we’ll need to go to Sanda’s Garrison base.”

Allura frowned. “I don’t like it.”

“I know, and neither do I. But either way, if the courts are still in place, we might need James Griffin for testimony. Or Dr. Jenny.”

“She got fired from the Garrison,” Lance said with a frown, “We won’t find her there.”

“I know. But we’ll be able to find her in the town. I’m willing to bet that she won’t have moved far. So that needs to be our first stop. Anyway, like I said, I don’t trust Sanda. I want someone to be with Keith around the clock. If he’s not alone, then he’ll be harder to kidnap. And he’d be hard enough to kidnap anyway.”

“Permanent baby-sitting?” Lance asked, making a face.

“We’ll take shifts,” Pidge offered, “We’ll all be together most of the time anyway, for planning, but we can each have a shift during the day where  one of us be with Keith if we’re not all together in a group. ”

Shiro nodded gratefully. “I’m sure I’m just being paranoid, but just in case.”

Allura shook her head. “You’re not being paranoid. We need to be careful. This Sanda has captured Keith before. She may try again. ”

Keith started heading towards them, and Shiro gave a short nod. “Remember:  _ don’t leave him alone _ .”

“Is everyone ready?” Keith asked as he came towards them. There was general assent, and they began their flight towards Earth. As they came down, they saw wrecked cities, destroyed fields. The only thing that was the same was the unyielding, dry desert.

“They really did it,” Pidge whispered as they touched down in the city closest to the Garrison,  Plaht city,  “They conquered the Earth.”

Shiro peered in a house that had its door ripped off the hinges. “No…”

Keith recognized the house with a jolt. “Dr. Jenny’s house.”

Shiro nodded, looking inside fruitlessly for any sign of life. “ She wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

“She’s tough,” Keith said uneasily, “Maybe she got away?”

“Got away to where?!” Lance said angrily, gesturing to the wrecked city, “There’s nowhere to get away  _ to _ ! They’ve done this to the whole planet!”

He and Hunk were both pale, and Keith winced. Both of them had families here, families that wouldn’t have been within the safety of the Garrison. Families that would be under the control of the Galra—or worse.

A small orb floated towards them, making a discontented noise and shooting at them. Lance sniped it with ease, pulling the trigger perhaps a bit more aggressively than he normally did. But more poured towards them, all firing on them. Keith sliced through one, ducking behind a car for cover, and then a shot came out of nowhere, obliterating one. A Garrison land rover rolled up, people in spacesuits firing on the drones.

“Stay down,” one of them ordered, their voice familiar, “We got this! These drones send out an alert when damaged. Our guns neutralize the signal.”

Within moments, all of the drones were taken down. The leader of the newcomers pulled off his helmet, and a familiar shock of stupid hair tumbled out.

“Of course it’s you,” Keith grumbled.

James Griffin hopped down from the Garrison jeep. “Nice to see you, too, Kogane.” He nodded to Pidge. “Katie.”

She grinned. “Hey. Are you our ride?”

“Yeah, hop in, we’re going  back  to the Garrison.”

All of the paladins glanced at each other, and Shiro shook his head. “No. We’re not.”

“Look, more of those drones will be headed this way, and they might bring backup. The Garrison is the only safe place left on Earth.”

“Top command?” Shiro questioned.

Griffin shook his head. “Taken. We’re the only ones left, except for a few underground resistance fighters, but more of them are being wiped out every day. Come on.”

Keith glanced at the others. “We don’t have a choice.”

Shiro met his gaze firmly. “Keith, are you sure?”

Keith broke off from the stare, climbing into the Garrison jeep, his stomach crawling. “Like I said, we don’t have a choice.”

The ride there had Keith feeling more and more nauseous, and not from the bumpy desert terrain. They were going back to the Garrison. And it was their only option.  _ Sanda _ was their only option. Keith wondered briefly how badly the rest of the Garrison would react if they locked her in a cell, then dismissed the idea. Next to him, Cosmo —which Keith was not sure was his name, but was willing to use until the wolf told him his name— whined, able to sense his friend’s unease.

_ Count to ten. Take in a deep breath _ .

Keith clenched his hands, which were shaking, and the jeep came to a halt. And then Pidge was leaping over the side, hug-tackling Coleen Holt, and Lance had two or three children hanging on him. Keith watched them in a daze, climbing out of the jeep, and then someone was wrapping arms around his neck.

“You grew!”

Keith blinked, staring at the person hugging him as if from a long way off. “Dr. Jenny?!”

Dr. Jenny held him out at arm’s length, beaming. “Yes! Oh my stars, you’re safe—what happened to your  _ face _ ?” She froze, catching sight of someone behind her. “TAKESHI!” she shrieked, and hugged him even tighter than she had Keith. “You’re alive! You’re really, actually alive! What happened to your face? And your hair? And your  _ arm _ ?!”

“He died,” Keith offered helpfully, “Then he came back to life, and his hair turned white.”

Dr. Jenny made a choking noise. “He  _ what _ ?! Oh, never mind, you’re both  _ okay _ !” She hugged Keith again. “I thought you must have been killed by the Galra! Or captured!”

“What?”

“You weren’t in the transmission sent back with Sam! I thought you were still here on Earth and they’d found you! And I never saw you in the slave camps, and I thought—I thought —”

“I—You were in the slave camps?”

Dr. Jenny nodded. “The resistance got me out. I never saw you, and the resistance hadn’t either, so…”

Keith frowned. “You talked about a transmission? What transmission?”

“We sent videos back to Earth,” Shiro explained, “Each of the paladins sent something home for family. You were with the Blade, so we never got one of you.”

“Yeah,” Griffin agreed, “Figures you’d go and be a  _ paladin _ . I thought, ha, I’ve beaten him, I’m a fighter pilot in advanced alien-gear planes, and you had to show up as a  _ paladin _ .”

Keith rolled his eyes. “Yes, that was my only goal. To surpass you. Is that still your obsession?”

“No, but it was a nice bonus that you’ve effectively negated ,” Griffin grumbled, “Oh, look, it’s the commander.”

Commander Iverson nodded crisply to them both. “It’s good to have you back.”

Keith scowled. “Can’t say it’s great to  _ be _ back.” His stomach was twisting and turning again as he followed Iverson into the Garrison, and the hiss of the door closing behind them like the door to a prison cell slamming shut.

They were led to the Atlas, an impressive ship, but apparently insufficient to get off the ground. And then, there she was. Keith pinched himself to make sure that he wasn’t in another nightmare, but the pain was real. And so was Admiral Sanda, with her usual look of general disapproval.

Everything seemed to drop away, and all Keith could hear was the roar of blood churning in his ears, his vision tunneling in onto  _ her _ , the stuff of his nightmares, walking around like nothing was wrong. Oh, stars. Stars, no, she was walking towards him—she was coming for him, and there wasn’t anything he could do, no way to stop her, not here, in the Garrison.

_ Count to ten. Take a deep breath _ .

Hunk’s normally-efficient advice failed him as a deep, primal terror swept over him, and his breath started to come in short gasps.

He felt something warm  press into his hand, and then he was out in  a Garrison hallway, a  few hallways and doors between  him and that nightmare in a grey Garrison uniform. He slid down the wall, landing on the floor with a  _ thump _ , his hand wrapped in his bangs .

“I can’t do it,” he whispered as Cosmo nuzzled him, whining in concern, “I can’t do this. I can’t be near the Admiral.”

A door opened, and Cosmo planted himself like a guard in front of Keith, growling at the intruder. Coleen Holt held up her hands in surrender.

“Whoa, hey there. Good boy. I’m not going to hurt Keith. Keith and I go  _ way _ back.”

“Easy, Cosmo,” Keith croaked. The wolf stopped growling and let Mrs. Holt pass, facing the door for any more threats.

“Keith? What’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer.

Coleen offered him a hand up. “Come with me.”

Keith took the hand, and she led him through the hallways, Cosmo following close by.

“After Sam came back, I decided I’d work for the Garrison again,” Mrs. Holt told him, filling in the silence, “I’ve been dealing with experimental plants, trying to make plants that I can grow up in space.” She pushed open a door, and Keith was engulfed in leafy green. “They rebuilt the greenhouse,” Mrs. Holt said softly, “ They’ve been growing so much—just like I thought, they came with new ideas, new plants.” She took him to the center of the greenhouse where a tree was planted, stretching towards the roof of the greenhouse. “This is new—but the same.”

Keith took in a deep breath, closing his eyes and letting his feelings flow loose. The tree was smaller than its predecessor, but it exuded the same feelings.

_ Quiet. _

_ Safe. _

_ Calm. _

Mrs. Holt wandered back towards the door, and Keith was left with his wolf and the tree. Beautiful, strange things, both of them. Keith sat with his back to the tree, letting its bigness engulf him and cover him. Cosmo curled up next to him, a warm presence by his side. Keith closed his eyes, and a swarm of memories crashed over him.

_ Fire. _

_ Burning. _

Keith opened his eyes with a jerk, and felt the leafy calm of the greenhouse again. He took a deep breath in.

_ The fire brought new life _ .

He thought of his mother, somewhere in the universe with Kolivan, looking for other members of the Blade. He thought of the whale they’d spent a year on, with memory flashes hitting them randomly, with little warning

He’d seen her anguish at having to leave her husband and baby son, but knowing it was the only way to protect them.

She’d seen what he’d suffered after she’d left.

_ Quiet. _

_ Safe. _

_ Calm. _

They’ d talked by the fire, while they cooked whatever odd creature they’d hunted that day. They’d talked a bout what they’d seen. About what had happened while they were apart . About Keith’s father. About everything that they’d missed. Talking to her had felt…  right . Easy. He’d suddenly understood why the other paladins wanted to go home, back to Earth, to their families.

_ Quiet. _

_ Safe. _

_ Calm _ .

Keith took in another deep breath, trying to hold the peace with him. To let it chase away his fear. He stood and held his hand to Cosmo. “Take me back,” he ordered.

His wolf complied, and they were exactly where they’d left. But now the paladins and Sanda were locked in a glaring contest while the rest of the Garrison members were giving them space, looking none of them in the eyes. Keith suspected he’d missed a major argument.

Sanda turned her disapproving gaze on him, and he struggled to hold onto the calm of the Pau Brasil tree. “Ah. Black paladin. So glad you could find the time to join us.”

“Don’t talk to him like that,” Pidge snapped. Her face was very,  _ very _ red, and Keith would have bet his lion that she’d been fighting Sanda tooth and nail in whatever they were arguing about.

“We’re discussing the leadership division,” Shiro explained calmly, but Keith knew his friend well enough to see the steely anger in his eyes.

“You’re in my Garrison,” Sanda said coldly, “That makes you my soldiers.”

“Voltron isn’t beholden to you,” Pidge snapped, “We have our  _ own _ leader.”

“Of course you do. Just like the resistance fighters have  _ their _ own leader. However, they still report to me.”

“That’s not an arrangement we can accept,” Shiro said, still calm on the outside, “We’re not speaking just for Voltron, but the whole Coalition. We cannot put ourselves under your jurisdiction without consulting the other members first. We are willing to be  _ allies _ .  _ Not _ Garrison soldiers.”

“Takeshi Shirogane, you are a part of the Garrison. As are those three cadets.” Sanda pointed her fingers at Lance, Hunk and Pidge. “You must concede to my orders.”

“But Takashi Shirogane was marked dead, making him a free agent,” one of the MFE pilots piped up in a monotone voice, “And Cadets Lance McClain, Hunk Garret and Pidge Gunderson were officially expelled from the Garrison for their role in the destruction of several Garrison vehicles and theft of Garrison property.”

Sanda’s nostrils flared. “Leifsdottir, you were not given leave to speak.”

“Apologies, Admiral. I thought that I might volunteer information to help the case along. I will remember to ask permission to speak up next time.” Leifsdottir stepped back into line.

“Voltron cannot become subject to you,” Shiro said firmly.

Admiral Sanda’s eyes hardened. “Then you will get out of my particle barrier,” she said coldly, “We have been fine without Voltron so far. We will be fine without you now.”

“That’s not true!”

Ad miral Sanda whipped around to see Griffin stepping forward. “Stand down.”

“We’re  _ not  _ doing fine,” Griffin continued, ignoring her order, “We’ve had to go on risky trips for supplies. We’ve been losing resistance members. We don’t know how long we can hold out! People out there on Earth are dying in droves, or else enslaved to build whatever it is that the Galra are trying to create! We haven’t been able to do anything but sit here and  _ not _ be dead or captured! Earth is dying, and we need help to save it.” He jerked his head towards the paladins. “They can help. We might be able to actually  _ do _ something.”

Keith realized that the Garrison employees and various resistance members were listening, even nodding in agreement to what Griffin was saying.

“We can’t just push our only hope out into the cold,” Griffin concluded, “We can’t just sit and watch Earth die.”

There was a tentative clapping from some of the people watching, but they fell silent as Admiral Sanda exploded. “LIEUTENANT JAMES GRIFFIN, YOU ARE STRIPPED OF YOUR TITLE! I WILL NOT HAVE INSUBORDINATES PILOTING THE MFE’S! YOU ARE STRIPPED OF COMMAND OF YOUR SQUADRON, AND STRIPPED OF YOUR RIGHT TO FLY THE MFE!”

Griffin staggered back like he’d been punched, his eyes wide in shock. The other MFE pilots looked equally shocked, glancing at each other.

“Lieutenant Ryan Kinkade! You are hereby appointed squadron leader of the MFE squadron! I will find a suitable replacement for your missing pilot!” Sanda turned her angry gaze on the paladins. “You will stay the night, but if you cannot agree to my terms, I will be forced to expel you, and that is  _ final _ .”

She turned and clicked away, leaving everyone behind shocked. Keith shook his head. That had been even worse than he’d imagined it would go. He glanced over at Griffin, who appeared to actually be going into shock.

_ What if by coming here we’ve actually made everything worse _ ?


	2. Compromise and Change

Admiral Sanda put her head in her hands, sitting down at her office desk. Iverson was, of course, there as he always was. Wondering how far he could push the Admiral before she threatened insubordination charges.

“Thanks for backing me up back there,” she snapped at him.

Iverson shrugged easily. “After what you did to the black paladin, it’s hardly surprising they don’t want to have you in control over them.”

Sanda sighed, rubbing her temples like she could feel a headache coming on. “And now I’ve got a martyr on my hands. Lieutenant James Griffin has never done anything like this before! He’s always fallen in line, followed orders, been a model soldier, not a mark on his record besides provoking another cadet! Why is he doing this _now_?”

“He was friends with the green paladin,” Iverson offered, “and—well, he wasn’t exactly _friends_ with the black paladin, but they had a relatively amicable relationship except for the fights.” _ And he knows what you did to Kogane, rescued him, and probably doesn’t exactly trust you. _Iverson hesitated, unsure if he should go on.

“And?” Sanda questioned in a dangerous tone.

“And everyone’s a little tense right now. A little stir-crazy. Many Garrison and resistance members have family out there, captured by the Galra or worse. They want to _do_ something. They’re angry at the invasion, and they don’t want to stay trapped here, waiting for the Galra to make the next move.”

“I know that, and I know that Griffin was only speaking what everyone has been thinking, but an example had to be made. I can’t have my authority questioned. It’ll divide us, and now is a time when we _cannot_ be divided.”

“If you try to force the paladins to submit, you’ll only have it questioned more. No one knows what they’re capable of, but Commander Holt has made them seem like a promising solution. You have to be more careful when dealing with them. You can’t lose your temper at them.”

“The green paladin lost her temper first,” she muttered. She sounded childish, and she knew it, but she wished she weren’t the one who always had to remain mature and calm when _certain_ _paladins _were stirring up _rebellion _in the Garrison and then acting like a bunch of martyrs when _they_ were the ones who had come to the Garrison, asked for help, and then refused her terms for that help point-blank. Sanda eyed Iverson with a glaring “be careful” look. “I suppose you have something in mind?”

“Compromise,” Iverson said promptly, but carefully, “Allow them to retain their own leadership, but they have to consult you when it comes to the Garrison. Your say is not their orders, but you can at least try to keep a handle on your own men and not turn the Garrison over to Voltron completely. James Griffin was right about one thing; we can’t just sit around anymore. You have to look out for your own soldiers, but you can’t leave Earth to suffer. The paladins’ arrival might be the lucky break we’ve been waiting for. You can’t control them, but they can’t control you, either.”

“Seems like an inefficient way to get things done. What happens when we disagree, as I’m sure we will?”

“Compromise more. The only way you can solve this is with democracy. The paladins have gotten used to being independent, and you can’t try to force them to submit to you.”

Sanda eyed him, and Iverson nervously wondered if he’d gone too far. But she sighed and waved a hand. “Thank you for your advice, Commander. I’ll consider it. I will _not _change my verdict on James Griffin, but I’ll consider changing my demands for Voltron. Now get out of my office. Oh, and Iverson?” she continued as he headed for the door, “Do us all a favor and lock down Keith Kogane’s records. With the anti-Galra tension running as high as it is, I don’t think it would be good for the rest of the Garrison to find out that the black paladin isn’t completely human, assuming they accept my offer and stay.”

Iverson nodded left, hoping that he’d done enough to convince the admiral.

And that the paladins would accept an arrangement like that.

Xxx

“How is he?” Shiro asked as Pidge slid into the room.

Pidge shook her head. “Still staring off into space in shock. I think he expected to be told off like Leifsdottir: he didn’t expect to have everything he’s worked for stripped away in a moment. The other MFE pilots are watching him to make sure he doesn’t do anything drastic.”

“Poor guy,” Hunk murmured, “He wasn’t ever exactly nice, but he didn’t deserve that.”

“What’s our next move, then?” Shiro asked, looking to Keith, “Remember, we don’t have the castle to back us up anymore. We don’t have a safe place to go if we fail our attack. We can’t wormhole away if we mess up. We’ve got one shot, and we can’t throw it away. We have to be careful. There are more Galra here than any place we’ve ever freed before, and the Garrison is the only safe place on Earth—what do you think we should do?”

Keith realized with a start that they were waiting for orders. “We can’t demand to be in charge,” he said slowly, “We haven’t been here long enough to gain enough trust to take control, and if it looks like we’re power-grabbing, we’ll lose support. But we _can’t_ be under Sanda’s command.”

“He’s right.” Allura stepped forward. “We have to play it easy and not demand too much.”

There was a knock at the door, and Shiro glanced at them, going to open it. Dr. Jenny was standing outside. “Um. So, hi, hope I’m not intruding too much? Admiral Sanda has a new offer, and she sent me because she figured you wouldn’t react too badly to me. She says that you can operate independently, but concerning the Garrison, she wants to be consulted and remain in command of her own troops.”

The paladins glanced at each other in surprise. “Sanda? Compromising?” Pidge questioned.

“I think it was Commander Iverson’s idea,” Dr. Jenny said with a frown.

“We’ve got a bigger ally in him than we could have guessed,” Shiro said in surprise, “I didn’t think he was on our side!”

“He and the Admiral have been… tense,” Dr. Jenny admitted, “Admiral Sanda wanted to keep Commander Sam Holt’s arrival and the work they were doing on the designs he brought back a secret, but Commander Holt and his wife sent out a broadcast to the world. Iverson let them do it. He’s still in a bit of hot water, and the Admiral probably would have court-marshalled him if it hadn’t worked out so well. Anyway, the Admiral wants to know what your answer is?”

Shiro glanced at the others. “We can’t do much without the Garrison’s new weapons to back us up. She’d be tying our hands, making us dependent on her.”

“We can consult her and then completely ignore her,” Lance offered, “Some of us have family here. We can’t just leave them. We could let her just _think_ she’s in charge.”

“Balance of power,” Shiro warned, “That would be dangerous to our alliance.”

“This might be our only option,” Coran said thoughtfully, “She may decide to keep the Garrison out completely if we don’t agree. It might be all we can do to keep our own freedom.”

Dr. Jenny looked down at the ground. “I know you don’t like her. And neither do I. But despite my personal feelings, she _is_ a good leader and strategist. And she’s not _completely_ unreasonable. Commander Iverson convinced her to compromise, which proves that she _will_ listen to reason and take other people’s ideas into account. I know I’m not part of your decision, and I know what she’s done in the past cannot be forgiven. But I just thought that I should tell you that.”

“We can’t work with her after what she did to Keith,” Allura said vehemently, “Everything else doesn’t matter.”

“Allura,” Shiro warned, “You’re letting your feelings get in the way of your judgement. We _need_ the Garrison.”

“How about a vote?” Keith suggested, “All in favor of giving the admiral’s compromise a chance?”

Coran, Shiro, and Lance all voted yes after a minute of hesitation. Keith suspected that while Coran and Shiro might see practicality behind the option, all Lance saw was the chance to stay with his family. He didn’t blame the blue paladin.

“All in favor of not giving it a chance?”

Allura and Pidge immediately voted no, and after a second, Hunk also voted no. “You’re the tiebreaker, Keith,” Hunk said quietly, “You pick what we do.”

Every instinct Keith had screamed at him to vote no. Sanda couldn’t be trusted, and they’d do better overthrowing her completely and taking control of the Garrison. Besides trust, he couldn’t work with someone who made him want to run or melt into a puddle of terror every time he saw her! Nothing would ever get _done_!

Keith counted to ten and took in a deep breath. _Patience yields focus_.

“I vote yes,” he said finally, “It’s our best bet.”

Keith’s instincts were not pleased.

Xxx

Pidge opened the door to James’ room. Ryan Kinkade looked up at her gloomily. “He still hasn’t snapped out of it.”

“I’ve got an idea!” one of the other pilots suggested brightly. She slapped Griffin full across the face.

“Rizavi!” Kinkade said in shock.

“A good slap will often break someone out of shock,” Leifsdottir said in her monotone voice, “I should have thought of that sooner.”

“Ow,” James said in a slightly dazed voice, holding his hand to a red spot where Rizavi had hit him, “Rizavi, you really pack a punch. Slap. Whatever.”

Rizavi beamed. “Of course I do. Are you still in shock?”

“Maybe,” James grumbled mutinously. Rizavi raised her hand again, and he flinched. “Okay, okay, I’m not, lay off with the slapping.” He heaved a depressed sigh. “You can go, guys. Thanks. Katie, you stay.”

The other MFE pilots filed out, leaving only Pidge and James behind. She fidgeted awkwardly. “So…”

“I think Rizavi hits harder than Keith does,” James said wryly, “And he _punches_.”

“James. Stop trying to hide behind bravado.”

James ran his hand through his hair. “_Stars_.”

“I’m sorry, James. I didn’t mean for this to happen to you.”

“Yeah, neither did I. I didn’t think that she was that angry. I mean, you said some pretty insulting things—”

“Did I?”

“You called her a paranoid power-grabbing old cow, if my memory serves.”

“Really? It’s all a blur.”

“Yeah. She stayed pretty calm, so I figured that if she didn’t react after that… it was probably safe to comment.” Griffin folded his arms, staring determinedly at the wall. “She _is_ a paranoid old cow.”

“James?”

“_Stars_, Katie, after what happened to Keith, I couldn’t sleep, I thought she’d figure out it was me who got him out any second, and boot me, or even arrest me, and I kept looking at her and thinking of how terrified he was and wondering what she was capable of.”

“Why did you stay, then? Why didn’t you leave?”

He gave her an odd look. “I’ve only ever wanted to fly. That was my dream, to have my own squadron and my own plane and to fly. And I worked _so hard_, even knowing what Sanda had done, just trying to get in a plane, to be the top of my class, the obvious choice for any new technology, and I finally did it, I _did it_, Katie, I got where I wanted to be. And then… one second, a few sentences from her…”

“And you’re back at the beginning,” Katie said softly.

James snorted. “Not even. I’m even further than I was in the beginning, because then I didn’t have any marks against me. Now I do. Insubordination count on my permanent record. All because of a tiny speech.”

“It was a very nice speech.”

“Hm.” James heaved another sigh. “What am I going to do?”

“Want to join the Voltron Coalition?”

James barked a laugh. “I’m still a part of the Garrison, Katie. I’m sorry, I just… I had a squadron. I had a plane. I had everything I could have hoped for, but…” he waved his hands. “Poof.”

A small smile started to twitch across Pidge’s face. “You’re a lot more like Keith than you think.”

“Repeat that slander anywhere else and I’ll sue.”

“James… what _are_ you going to do?”

He gave her yet another sigh. “Start over, I guess. Try again. Keep my stupid mouth shut this time.”

“James… you don’t _always_ have to follow the rules. Sometimes… Sometimes you _should_ rebel. Like you did today.”

“Oh, yes, and where did that get me?” James shook his head. “Nope. I’ll work my way up the way I did the first time. Hard work. Following orders.”

“James? Really. Come with us. You don’t have to stay here if it makes you miserable.”

James snorted. “Yeah, sure, let’s put Keith, Lance and I in a confined space together. Sounds like a fair arrangement. We can do a scientific experiment, see which one of us gets driven nuts and jumps out of an airlock first. It’ll be fun! No thanks, Katie. Sounds like a nightmare. And besides, I wouldn’t be useful. I’d just… _be _there. Getting in the way. Not helping out. Just sitting back and watching someone else save the universe. No _thank you_.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, Katie.”

“The Coalition could always use more pilots—there are plenty of ships! You could join the fleet.”

“Katie, you’re being very sweet—which is not normally a trait that I associate with you—but I don’t think you get it. I _can’t_ go with you. Not like that. I swore an oath to the Garrison, and I’m going to keep it. Despite the Garrison’s flaws, I won’t desert it. I’ll haul myself up by my own bootstraps, same way I always have.”

“You don’t wear boots,” Katie said mulishly.

“_Katie_.”

“It’s not fair!” she burst out, “Even after what the Garrison did to Keith—how they pretended Shiro was some kind of idiot who crashed a plane—after everything that’s happened, you’re going to still help them?! What have they ever done for you?! They don’t deserve as much loyalty as you’re giving them—undying loyalty like yours shouldn’t be wasted on a place like this!”

“Katie,” James said quietly, “Let me ask you something. What has the universe ever done for you?”

She stopped, mid-tirade. “What?”

“What has the universe ever done for you?” James repeated, “What has it done to deserve you trying to save it?”

Katie blinked at him in shock. “It’s where I _live_! It’s my _home_! I can’t just let it all _die_! It’s where my _family_ is!”

James gave her a half-smile, one side of his mouth quirking up. “The Garrison is _my_ home. It’s a place where my dreams can be reality. My squadron— Rizavi, Leifsdottir, Kinkade, even kind-of-annoying Veronica—they’re _my_ family. And I can’t turn my back on them any more than you could turn your back on the universe. Maybe they’re not as important as the universe in the grand scheme of things. But they’re important to _me_.”

“You’re sure you won’t come with us, then?”

“Not if the Garrison doesn’t.” James offered another half-smile. “Think of it this way: right now, maybe the Garrison _doesn’t_ deserve my loyalty. Maybe you’re right, and it’s a corrupt, horrible place that shouldn’t continue the way it’s been continuing. But who’s going to bring about the changes it needs? Someone has to do it. And no one can come to the Garrison from the outside and force changes—that’s something you can’t do from Voltron.”

“Well, I _should_,” Pidge grumbled.

“But you can’t. That’s the kind of thing that should be done from the inside. Where I just happen to be.”

“Yeah, bottom of the food chain.”

A brief look of pain crossed James’ face, and Pidge felt guilty for pouring salt into the wounds. “For now. But I can work my way up. I’ve done it once. I can do it again. And then I can change the things that need changing. That’s how it’s _always_ worked. The newer generations bring change—sometimes good, sometimes bad. Hopefully our generation will bring the good changes.

Pidge tried one more time. “You won’t come?”

“No. I’m sorry, Katie.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

James smiled briefly, wanly. “It was nice of you to come and check on me, but I want to be alone right now. I need to think. To breathe. I need space. Goodbye, Pidge.”

“Goodbye, Griffin.”

Outside the door, Pidge realized with a startled flash that he’d called her ‘Pidge.’ He’d only _ever_ called her Katie before. And she’d called him Griffin for the first time instead of calling him James. A pit of sadness at the formality and divide welled up in her stomach.

Griffin was right. There _were_ changes being made.

Pidge wasn’t sure she liked them.


	3. Locked in with Nightmares

Keith kept careful watch out of the corner of his eye. He felt like he was being followed. He waited, waited… then turned around quickly. A startled flash of white hair ducked back behind the corner, and he frowned, confused. Why was Allura tailing him? In fact, why did one of the other paladins, Shiro or Coran always seem to suspiciously be wherever he was? Allura was the only one who seemed to not-so-furtively follow him every day, though, as if she thought she were in a spy movie.

“Keith!”

He turned to see Pidge coming towards him, a bit upset. “Hey.”

“I talked to Griffin a bit ago,” she pushed out.

“Who? You mean Gr—wait!” Keith squinted at her in surprise. “You got his name right!”

“For the last time, Keith,” Pidge said in exasperation, “James _is_ his name! It’s his _first_ name! I can call him James the same way Iverson can call you Kogane!”

Keith knew that, but it was funny to watch her lecture him for umpteenth “last time” that Griffin had a first name and it was James. In fact, it was pretty much _always_ funny, and he’d started correcting her whenever she mentioned him without even thinking about it.

“He’s snapped out of shock, then?”

“More like Rizavi _slapped_ him out of it.”

Keith discovered a newfound respect and liking for Rizavi. “Did she?”

“Yeah, but that’s not the point. Anyway, even though I offered him a place in the Coalition fleet, he’s still sticking with the Garrison, even after what they did to him!”

“After what _Sanda_ did to him,” Keith corrected, “You’re right, he shouldn’t—” Keith paused. “No, wait, that’s good.”

Pidge glared at him. “No, it’s not!”

“Yes, it is. Pidge, Griffin is a hero, now. A martyr. The rest of the Garrison staff admires him for standing up and speaking the truth, and they feel bad about what happened to him.”

“So?”

“So, Pidge, it’s _good_ that he’s still loyal to the Garrison, because if he suddenly switched over and joined the Coalition, he wouldn’t be as much of a hero as he is since he’s staying loyal to the very institution that threw him out.”

“Fat lot of good that does him,” Pidge grumbled.

“Well, maybe not,” Keith admitted, “But it _does_ do a fat lot of good for _us_.”

“What do you mean?”

“Pidge, we need all of the allies we can get in here if we’re going to get the backup we need to defeat Sendak. Right now, all we have on our side are Dr. Jenny, the Holts, the McClains and _maybe_ Commander Iverson and the MFE pilots. And Griffin. However, if Griffin takes our side in any debates…”

Realization hit Pidge like a sledgehammer. “Then most of the Garrison will follow suit,” she finished.

“Exactly,” Keith said with a grin, “And do you know what the biggest way to prove yourself and get in an army commander’s good graces is?”

Pidge shook her head. “No.”

“Battle. Which is only something that can happen if Voltron gets its way. Admiral Sanda needs Griffin to fly that MFE, she just won’t admit it. But if we get out in battle? She’ll have no other choice but to put him back where he belongs. Trust me, staying loyal to the Garrison is going to pay Griffin back. But I have a more important question, Pidge.” He nodded back to the corner where Allura was hiding. “Why is Allura tailing me?”

Pidge looked around with shock so big that Keith knew she had to be faking it. “What? Where? I don’t see her.”

“Well, yes. That’s the point of a tail. You’re not _supposed_ to see it. Allura’s just not that great at it, and I keep catching her in the corner of my eye. So, how come she’s tailing me?”

Pidge shrugged nonchalantly. A little _too_ nonchalantly, in Keith’s opinion. “Maybe she’s bored. Or maybe she isn’t sure what to do now that the rest of us are home and she’s not, so she’s trying to stick with you, because you don’t exactly feel at home here, either.”

“No. Really, Pidge. Did Shiro put her up to this?”

Pidge stuck her nose into the air. “I suggest you ask Shiro that question.” She walked off a little too quickly.

Keith scratched Cosmo’s ears. “Well, I guess we’ll have to figure this out ourselves, won’t we?”

Cosmo thumped his tail in agreement.

Keith lowered his voice to a whisper so that Allura wouldn’t overhear him. “Alright, when I say to, you’re going to warp me behind Allura, okay?”

Cosmo blinked his eyes in what Keith hoped was understanding.

“Okay. Come on, buddy.”

They continued down the hallway, Keith’s hand on Cosmo’s head. When he had that watched feeling again, he whispered “now,” and they disappeared, reappearing behind Allura as she blinked at the space he’d been in only moments before.

“Hi.”

She let out a startled scream. “Oh! Keith! Hello! I wasn’t—I didn’t know you were right behind me! I didn’t know where you were!”

“You’re not doing a very good job tailing me, then.”

Allura gaped like a fish out of water. “I didn’t—I wasn’t—I—I wasn’t tailing you!”

“No?”

“No! I didn’t have any idea where you were!” she said indignantly.

“Strange. I was just in front of you in the hallway. And there’s no one else around. Except Cosmo.” Keith patted Cosmo’s head.

“Well—I mean—I could _see_ you!”

“And you didn’t know where I was? Weird.”

“I—” Allura sputtered for words. “I knew where you were!”

“Earlier you said you didn’t.”

“Well—I mean—I wasn’t expecting you to warp behind me! It was very rude!”

“But you were expecting me to do _something_?” Keith pressed.

“Yes! I was expecting you to _walk down the hallway_, like you were doing before!”

“Then you admit you saw me walking down the hallway before?”

“Yes!”

“Because you were tailing me?”

She turned a bright, brilliant red that Keith doubted he could achieve if he tried. “No!”

“Okay. Where are you going, then?”

Allura’s mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. “Wherever _you’re_ going,” she said finally.

“How do you know where I’m going?”

“Because I’m walking right behind you!”

“So you _are_ tailing me!”

Somehow, she got even redder. “Stop! Stop it!”

“Stop what?”

“Stop insisting that I’m tailing you!”

“Well, _are_ you?”

“Yes! Fine! You caught me! I’m tailing you! Happy?”

Keith shrugged. “Why are you tailing me?”

“Because none of us trust Sanda not to grab you and experiment on you again,” she snapped.

It was Keith’s turn to be the gaping fish. “Oh,” was all he said.

“I’m not the only one doing it, everyone’s been taking a turn,” Allura grumbled.

Keith felt a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth. “I thought everyone seemed to be taking a suspiciously sudden interest in what I was doing. None of them were _tailing_ me, though, Allura. That was just you.”

Allura’s face had started to turn back to its normal shade, but it turned red again. “Don’t tell Shiro you caught me,” she begged, “We were supposed to keep it secret.”

“Shiro put you up to this, then? Figures.”

“We just want to make sure you’re safe,” she said softly.

He shrugged more flippantly than he felt, a pit of unease yawning open in his stomach. “It’s okay. I’ve got Cosmo with me. If I’m in any danger, he’ll get me out. He always does. You don’t need to tail me like a bodyguard.”

“Oh. Alright. I suppose not, then. I’m sorry.” She turned to go.

Suddenly, without the idea of Allura comically tailing behind him, keeping him company with how bad she was at it, the empty hallway felt a lot more dark and menacing, even with his faithful wolf at his side.

“You can come with me, though,” he suggested, “Like a friend.”

Her face brightened. “I can do that,” she agreed, coming up beside him, grinning brilliantly.

Keith led her to the greenhouse, and she gasped.

“Oh! I didn’t know there was so much green on Earth!”

Keith felt a smile creep across his face. “I didn’t used to, either. But it’s not all desert.” He kept going until he reached the tree, putting his hand on the trunk. “I was here when this tree was a little sapling.”

Allura gazed up at it in awe. “Trees like this live in the desert?”

Keith chuckled. “Not most trees. But this particular ones has adapted to survive in the desert conditions. Just like the humans who live out here.”

Allura stared up into the branches. “Have you ever climbed to the top?”

Keith shook his head. “No. Like I said, it was a sapling when I last saw it.” He grinned. “I’ll race you up.”

“I was a _champion_ tree climber on Altea,” she sniffed, “You wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Keith felt the challenge reverberate in him, waking up the competitive side that he’d been keeping down while he was head of Voltron. “We’ll see about that.” He scrambled up through the branches, Allura always a little bit ahead of him, clambering through the branches like a white-and-pink squirrel. Cosmo whined as they left him behind, warping through the branches trying to keep up, before deciding that he didn’t like being in a tree and warping back to the bottom and barking at them to _get down_, at least as far as Keith could tell.

Allura _did_ beat him to the top, but only barely. “Told you,” she said smugly, sounding uncannily like Lance.

“Give me a break,” he panted, “I grew up in the desert.”

“And you never tried climbing a cactus?”

He gave her a baleful glare. “I’m not _that_ impulsive.”

She shrugged innocently, swinging her legs. “It’d be better if we weren’t inside.”

“When we’re done defeating evil, we’ll all go to the redwood forests, if they’re still there. I’ll get a kick watching you try to climb _those_.”

“What’s a redwood?”

“Giant tree. Like I said, if they’re still there… and the Galra haven’t destroyed them…”

They both went completely silent, staring out over the greenhouse. “I’m not going to let them destroy your planet like they destroyed mine,” Allura said firmly, “I won’t let them do that to _any_ planet, ever again.”

“’s okay,” Keith muttered, “I’m not all that fond of Earth anyway.”

“That’s not true,” she said simply. She didn’t elaborate, only started the climb back down the tree. Keith stayed where he was, perched at the top of the tree. He could see the particle barrier through the greenhouse roof and wondered vaguely how sunlight got though.

He stayed there for a long time, but climbed down eventually. Cosmo warped them back to his room, and Keith got into the bed, Cosmo curling up at the foot. Keith wasn’t sure when he’d fallen asleep, but he awoke to a scratching, slithering noise, and he looked to see a tentacle reaching towards him, a pile of gloop grinning as it stuck him, and then he was thrown into his nightmares, whirling around in a whirpool of terror, nothing certain, only deep terror, and loneliness and horror.

Keith snapped awake, and Cosmo whined. He’d dreamed up the gloop, the tentacle—everything. It had all been one nightmare. Keith slid out of bed, opening his window and climbing onto the roof, looking up at the sky. But the particle barrier blocked out the comforting, familiar constellations, leaving nothing but a locked-in feeling. Keith paced across the roof, trying to shake off the nightmare, but looking up at the barrier only reminded him that they couldn’t get out without Sanda’s permission.

Well. There _was_ one other way.

Keith slid back down the drainpipe and into his room, nudging his wolf gently. “Cosmo, get up. We’re going out.”

At the word “out,” Cosmo pricked up, wagging his tail happily. They scooted through the hallways, avoiding the patrols and sneaking down to the entrance to the war tunnels. They walked until they found a particle barrier—Commander Holt must have put it up to keep the Galra from invading from the tunnels.

Keith slumped in despair. That had been his way out. Unless…

“Hey, Cosmo, can you warp through the barrier?” he whispered.

Cosmo blinked at him, nudged his side, and then they were suddenly outside, in the open desert. Keith laughed, exhilarated, and did a small victory run in the desert. Cosmo sniffed the particle barrier distrustingly and lifted one leg.

“Cosmo, no! Bad wolf!”

Cosmo reluctantly left the barrier alone and loped to Keith’s side, blinking at him reproachfully. Keith stroked his head.

“Sorry. I take that back. You were a very, _very_ good wolf to get me out. And such a long warp. You’re a good boy.”

Cosmo thumped his tail happily and wandered off to mark his domain on the nearest cactus. Keith let him. He didn’t see the harm. He threw a prickly pear for the wolf, hoping he would chase after it.

He didn’t.

“You’re not very much like a dog, are you?”

Cosmo blinked at him as if to say, no, he was a cosmic wolf, thank you very much, and he didn’t appreciate being compared to a common _Earth dog_. Bae-Bae was alright as far as Earth dogs went, but Cosmo was dignified, and wasn’t an Earth dog who did things like play fetch or roll over and play dead. No, _sir._ Cosmo then proceeded to chase his tail and blink at Keith in complete surprise when he caught it and realized that it belonged to his own rear end.

“Try letting go.”

Cosmo blinked arrogantly at him. It was _his_ prize, and he didn’t care if holding on made it hard to walk, he wasn’t going to let go of it after all of the running that he’d done to get it.

Keith laughed, feeling carefree for the first time since arriving at the Garrison, and wrestled Cosmo’s jaws open, freeing the bedraggled tail, which Cosmo wagged happily, nuzzling Keith’s hand and wandering off to mark another cactus as his own.

Then Cosmo fell.

And he didn’t get back up.

Keith raced to his wolf, kneeling next to him. A cord had been wrapped around Cosmo’s legs, and the wolf whined, straining against it.

“Still, boy, still.”

Cosmo obligingly stopped struggling, and Keith made a fruitless attempt to untie the cord before he found his knife—strange, he didn’t remember grabbing it, but he normally never went anywhere without it, so he must have taken it without thinking. Keith started to saw away at the bonds, and then an icy hand clamped like a vise on his upper arm.

Cosmo growled and warped, taking Keith with him, but through the warp, Keith could feel the icy hand on his arm, and when they came out of the warp back inside the particle barrier, the hand was still there.

“Got you, black paladin,” a horribly familiar voice hissed. Keith froze, all of his nightmares replaying in his head and solidifying into a terrible, _awful_ reality that he was stuck in.

Cosmo growled and barked, but fell silent as there was a pop of electricity. Keith snapped out of his terror in horror as Cosmo went limp.

“My wolf!” he wrenched at Sanda’s grip, trying to get to the limp Cosmo, but she dragged him away, catching his other wrist as he swung it at her and expertly avoiding his kicking feet. “NO! LET ME GO!”

There was another sharp _pop_, and Keith felt his muscles give out, as everything sank into blackness.

The last thing he saw was Sanda’s face, cold and hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voltron question of the day: Why didn't the Galra invade through the tunnels?


	4. Fooled You

Keith snapped awake in his bed, sweat soaking his back. Cosmo lifted his head, staring at him with big, worried eyes. Keith pinched himself, _hard_, and winced. Okay. Okay, he was awake this time. Actually awake, with no creepy, over-strong Admiral Sandas dragging him to his doom. He reached out and stroked Cosmo, hand trembling, to make sure that he was there. And his knife… he didn’t have his knife. His mother had his knife. He’d given it to her as a pact that she’d come back to give it back to him. Right. Any time he had his knife, he was having a nightmare. Keith fixed that into his head, hoping he’d remember it when he was asleep.

Cosmo blinked, and then they warped, startling Keith. And Shiro, who they landed on top of, jerking him out of sleep.

“Argh! I—Keith?”

“Sorry,” Keith whispered, his voice cracking, “Cosmo warped us.”

“Bad wolf,” Shiro said in an amused voice, “No warping on top of Shiro. Very, _very_ bad wolf.”

Cosmo apparently did not think so, because he turned a happy circle and curled up on Shiro’s bed, apparently deciding that Shiro’s legs were even more comfortable than the clear patch of bed that had nothing on it.

“Ooof.” Shiro turned the lights on. “Stupid wolf. Get off.” With his remaining hand, he pushed at Cosmo’s snout, which was stuck in his face. Cosmo growled playfully, then caught Keith’s sleeve in his teeth, tugging him back as the black paladin tried to slip away. Shiro looked at Keith’s face, and immediately stopped trying to push Cosmo off. “Keith? Is everything alright? Did something happen?”

“Just a nightmare,” Keith sighed, “Another, _stupid_ nightmare.”

Shiro succeeded at pushing Cosmo off of him and swung his legs out of the bed, patting the bed next to him. “Tell me about it.”

Keith dropped into the space Shiro had cleared. “Just… Sanda. Again. Except it was _worse_, because it was so much more real, and we were _here_, Shiro, at the Garrison, and I know that we’re really, _actually_ here.” Cosmo put his head in Keith’s lap, and he stroked the wolf, glad for the warm presence that reminded him that Cosmo was _here_, he was _with Keith_, he was _safe_, he wasn’t lying outside, limp in the cold desert, alone.

“She hurt Cosmo,” he blurted out.

Shiro’s face turned to outrage. “She did? When?!”

“No—not for real. In the nightmare. She hurt him. She zapped him, and—and he wasn’t moving, Shiro, I think he was dead, and she dragged me away, and he was just _lying_ there, and—and—” Keith felt frustration and fear well up with tears, and he choked on his words.

Shiro wrapped Keith in a hug, which was a bit awkward with Cosmo’s head on Keith’s lap. “Shhh, it’s okay. You’re okay now. Cosmo is okay. It wasn’t real.”

“I know,” Keith gasped, “I know, but what if she _does_ try something, and Cosmo tries to protect me, and she—and she—”

“That’s not going to happen,” Shiro said firmly, “She won’t try anything.”

“Because of the super-secret stealth bodyguard team you put on me?”

Shiro stiffened. “What?”

“I caught Allura tailing me. I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”

Shiro sighed. “I’m not sure she quite got the concept.”

“Don’t blame her. She tried really hard to keep it a secret. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I…” Shiro broke off, embarrassed. “I thought you might not like it. That it would seem too much like we were babying you.”

“I thought that at first. That you were babying me.” Keith shuddered, remembering the image, bright and clear, of Cosmo lying limp in the sand. “Not anymore. Thank you, Shiro, for… for everything. I just… the first day, I panicked, I freaked out when I saw her, and I couldn’t do anything, and every time she looks at me, I get chills, and I want to run again…”

“But you don’t,” Shiro said softly, “Since that first meeting, you haven’t run at all. You’re conquering your fear.”

Keith snorted. “It doesn’t _feel_ like I am.”

The ghost of a smile crossed Shiro’s face. “No, I suppose it wouldn’t.”

Keith kept his hand buried in Cosmo’s warm, solid, wonderfully _there_ fur, scratching the wolf gently. “Shiro? If she tries something? What do we do?”

“Then either we expose her to the Garrison, depose her and get a new leader, one who won’t kidnap you, or we leave.”

“Leave… completely? Just leave Earth to its fate?”

“No—I—” Shiro gave a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know. We can’t let her get away with trying to attack you, if she _does_ try it. But… We can’t leave Earth any more than we could leave any of the other planets we’ve saved from the Galra.” Shiro’s hand clenched and unclenched.

“Shiro?”

“We got into Sendak’s memories.”

“Wait—what?! We couldn’t even do that on the Castle!”

“Yes, because I ejected him into space, I remember. But Sam and Pidge have rigged it up—we can ask him questions.” Shiro didn’t go on.

“And?” Keith probed gently.

“And he wants to destroy Earth. Completely. He’d rather blow it up than let it go free.”

“What?!”

“He’s turning the planet into a weapon of its own destruction. Something called a Zyforge cannon. Once it’s done… the whole Earth could be turned into dust, just like that.” Shiro clicked his fingers.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?!”

“There’s a meeting tomorrow. Pidge is going to tell everyone then.”

“_Pidge_ is going to tell? Why not you?”

“Because I…” Shiro gulped. “Allura, Pidge and some of the Garrison members made a new prototype prosthetic.”

“A prosthetic? What does that have to do with—” Realization hit Keith like a sledgehammer as he looked at the space where Shiro’s arm should be. “_Oh_.”

“Yeah.”

“And we won’t be there?”

Shiro smiled bracingly. “You should be out of the meeting by the time they activate it. But, uh, not for the attaching part.”

“Are you sure you… Are you sure it’ll be okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, should be… um. I’ll be under for it.”

Keith made a face. He didn’t like the idea of sedatives.

“Don’t make that face, Keith. It’s better than being awake when they attach the nerves. _Trust me_. I would _not_ like to be awake for that.”

“Oh. Okay.” Keith scratched Cosmo some more. “Do you want… I don’t know, maybe Cosmo could go with you?” As he said it, Keith realized with absolute certainty, that he did _not_ want Cosmo _out of his sight_. Possibly _ever_. He wasn’t sure what had scared him more in the nightmare: Sanda dragging him away as she did in all of his nightmares, or Cosmo, limp in the cold.

A tiny grimace flickered across Shiro’s face. “I—ah—I don’t think the doctors would allow that. He’d probably try to sit on my legs.” Cosmo thumped his tail in agreement. “Thanks for the offer, though.”

“Are you sure we can’t be there?”

“I’ll be okay, Keith. Jenny—Dr. Orla will be there.”

That _did_ make Keith feel better. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

“Good night, Shiro.”

“Good night, Keith.”

Cosmo warped them back, curling obediently on the floor. Keith patted the bed. “Up, boy. Up.”

Cosmo eyed him like he wasn’t entirely sure Keith wasn’t playing an elaborate joke on him, then jumped on the bed, circling a couple of times and then lying down on top of Keith. Keith didn’t mind the large, somewhat smelly wolf on top of him, not as long as it meant Cosmo was _there_. His eyes drifted shut.

Cosmo limp in the sand.

Sanda dragging him away.

Shiro watching from the background, his arm huge, his eyes a creepy purple and Keith’s face burning as if Shiro’s arm were pressing against him again.

Sendak laughing.

A knife hurtling towards him, _his _knife.

Keith woke up as the knife connected, his heart beating frantically in his chest. Cosmo whined, pushing his muzzle in Keith’s face. Keith sat up and wrapped his arms around the wolf’s neck.

“I’m okay, buddy.”

Cosmo did not look convinced.

“Really. Don’t wake up Shiro again. He needs to sleep. I just… need a moment.” Keith extracted himself from underneath his wolf, pacing his room. “It’s going to be one of _those _nights, huh? You think if I knock myself out I can at least get some rest?”

Cosmo sneezed.

“Yeah, okay, dumb idea. Of course I _would_ have nightmares tonight of all nights.”

Cosmo tilted his head.

“Meeting tomorrow: I need to be awake,” Keith explained, then sighed. “I am talking to a wolf.” He scratched Cosmo under the chin. “You know, now is probably a good time to tell me your name.”

Cosmo half-closed his eyes and leaned into Keith’s scratches.

“Or don’t.” Keith glanced out the window at the faintly glowing particle barrier. “Hey, can you warp through that?”

As if in answer, Cosmo leaned against him and they were outside of the barrier. Keith pinched himself, just to make sure it was real. Ignoring the instincts that screamed that he was _going to get Cosmo killed, didn’t he remember his dream_, he paced the desert, pointing out constellations to Cosmo, who couldn’t care less what the bunches of stars were called.

“Look. Little dipper, big dipper… um… let’s see… there’s Scorpius, and there’s Cygnus the swan. And Hercules.” Keith sat down on the still-warm desert sand, looking up at the sky. “You know, they don’t really _look_ like swans or people. I guess the dippers look like dippers, but they’re also supposed to be bears. Do _you_ see any bears?”

At the word “bear,” Cosmo started to growl, searching the area for any of the bears that Keith could supposedly see. He didn’t find any, and he gave Keith a reproachful look. Did he think it was _funny_, making up pretend enemies to fight? He butted Keith with his head in protest and made him fall backwards so that he was laying down on the sand before settling down next to him with a yawn.

Keith absentmindedly stroked Cosmo while looking up at the constellations

“You know what’s weird? I’ve probably actually _been_ to some of those stars in those constellations. Probably saved them from the Galra. And I probably didn’t even realize it, because the Alteans have different names for the stars. Weird, huh?”

The only reply Cosmo gave was a snore.

Keith grinned. “I guess I wore you out, huh? Can’t be easy going through the particle barrier. Or, I mean, maybe it is. I’m still not sure how you do the warping thing.”

Keith kept staring up at the stars, trying to pick out other constellations that he hadn’t already pointed out to Cosmo. It wasn’t easy. The sand beneath him was warm, and kind of comfortable in a gritty way, and the desert was quiet except for the occasional howl of a coyote or call of an owl. The stars kept going black for a few moments every time he blinked, and Keith wondered why.

He realized, as he fell asleep, that it was because he was keeping his eyes shut. But that didn’t really matter anymore. He was comfortable, and felt more peaceful here than he did in his room. He knew he wouldn’t have any nightmares.

Until he woke up to Cosmo’s growling. He pinched himself to make sure that he was awake and sat up, face to face with his nightmare. Admiral Sanda was glaring at him from a safe distance, Cosmo baring his teeth and keeping her away.

Keith pinched himself one more time. No. There was _no way_. This _wasn’t happening_. But, to his horror, it _was_ happening. Admiral Sanda was marching towards him across the sand snapping something that he couldn’t hear through the blood rushing in his ears.

“Kogane!” she snapped in a whisper.

He managed the sound a sheep might make when face-to-face with a wolf, his mouth hanging open.

“Shut your daft dog up!”

Keith couldn’t quite comprehend what she was saying. “What?”

“Shut your blasted creature up! It’s going to bring down the Galra on us! How the _hell_ did you manage to get out here?! The guard didn’t let you out!”

Keith’s terror began to abate a bit. But only a bit. “Um…”

“You’re compromising the safety of the Garrison and everyone inside! Both of you! Now get back into the Garrison, or so help me, I will have you shot before you endanger us all! _Idiot_,” she muttered under her breath, probably thinking that she was too quiet for Keith to hear.

Keith touched Cosmo, and they were gone. To the completely wrong place. They were in Keith’s old desert shack, protected from the Galra by its isolation. “Oh, _no_, Cosmo, you have to take us to the Garrison!”

Cosmo did not want to do any such thing. He curled up on Keith’s couch with a yawn, leaving Keith to go to the bed, dizzy with guilt-tinged relief and exhaustion.

“Okay… Just tonight… but first thing tomorrow,” he muttered, collapsing into sleep. “Can’t… can’t stay here.”

Xxx

Iverson hovered over a security guard’s shoulder, watching the camera feeds and making the guard very, _very_ nervous. Iverson tended to have that effect on people. He rather liked it.

“Sir?” a different guard piped up nervously.

“Yes?”

“Something’s wrong with our databanks.”

“What do you _mean_, something’s wrong?!”

“Well—I—something isn’t right.”

Iverson glared at her, making her shift uncomfortably in his seat. “I know what “something’s wrong” means. I want you to tell me what is making it so wrong! What’s the problem?!”

The woman gulped. “Um—it’s just… one of our files has become corrupted.”

“What? What have you been doing to it?”

“Nothing sir!” she said quickly, “Nothing at all! I just… I just got an alert. Suddenly. It says some of our files are corrupted.”

“Probably a computer virus,” Iverson said dismissively, “Is it the Altean database?”

“No, sir. It’s one of our own. In the secure files.”

“Coincidence, I’m sure,” Iverson said, not feeling so sure.

“Right. I’m sure it is, sir. File corruption can happen into even the most secure parts of the database. We’ll have to clean it—unlock it for a bit, get the virus out, and then we’ll be able to lock it back behind the firewalls.”

Iverson started getting an unnerved feeling in his stomach. Unlocking the file would make it readable to anyone in the database, no matter their rank and clearance. The virus’ corruptive effect would make it impossible to read, but one could download the file and clean it up themselves before it was locked back down. Had someone planted the virus to get high-security files where they could read them?

“Hm. Which file is it?” A flash of revelation hit him, and Iverson suddenly had a sinking suspicion that he knew _exactly _which file had been corrupted.

“Um—the black paladin’s file. Keith Kogane?”

That horrible little feeling was back with a vengeance, and Iverson rather agreed with it.

“Ah, yes,” he murmured with a tired sigh. “I rather thought it might be.”

Keith Kogane seemed to cause trouble wherever he went—even when he didn’t actively do anything. Iverson gave another sigh. Nothing could ever be simple, could it?


	5. Fetched

Keith was woken up by something dropping on his face, something covered in wolf slobber.

“Mmm—Cosmo, go away,” he muttered, pushing at the thing. It was made of cloth, and he opened his eyes, staring at his old stuffed hippo.

“Cosmo! Bad wolf! You can’t chew up…” Keith looked at the old toy. There weren’t any teeth marks. It hadn’t been torn open. “Cosmo… did you… _fetch_ this?”

Cosmo thumped his tail, panting happily.

“You fetched something?! You _fetched_ something! Good wolf! Very, very good wolf!” Cosmo turned a circle, looking up at Keith hopefully. “Yes! Yes, you are a very good wolf!” Keith crowed, scratching his pet. He looked around. And remembered where he was. He glanced out the window. The sun was getting up in the sky, well past dawn, and a wave of panic swept over him.

“The meeting!” he gasped, “We’re going to be late! Cosmo, we’ve got to go back! Back, boy! To the Garrison!” Cosmo blinked placidly at him, wondering where his breakfast was. “Now!”

Xxx

Iverson watched the computer technicians carefully, making sure they didn’t spend too much time looking at Keith’s file to see if they’d gotten the all of the virus contained. He glanced at a clock on the wall. It was almost time for the meeting.

“Don’t let that out on the general database for a second longer than necessary,” he ordered them, “and shut down the database when you do. Lock all of the computers except this one.”

“Of course, sir,” one of the technicians said agreeably, “But may I ask why we’re being so careful with this particular file?”

“No,” Iverson barked, “You may not.”

He shook himself, trying to get rid of that uneasy feeling that had been plaguing him ever since the file had gone corrupt. Someone was trying to get into Keith’s file. Someone was trying to find out more about the black paladin.

The question was _why_.

Xxx

Pidge ran through the hallways, nearly colliding with Shiro. “Anywhere?”

He shook his head. “No. No, he’s not in his room, he’s not outside, he’s not in the bathroom—I don’t know where he could possibly be! I just saw him last night!”

“Sanda,” Pidge growled. She marched through the hallways, swarming into Sanda’s office. “Where is he?!”

“Your erstwhile black paladin? I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that I don’t have a clue.”

“Stop lying to us!”

“I’m not. He got out of the Garrison last night, and then he and his wolf vanished. I assumed he’d gone back to his room, but it appears not.” A frown crossed her face. “And we had Galra drones sniffing around the particle barrier this morning. Your black paladin is causing trouble.”

“So, you were the last one to see him? Where is he?! I _know_ you’ve done something to him!”

One grey eyebrow raised itself higher than its twin. “Well, _I_ know that I haven’t. Who’s being a paranoid cow _now_? I’ve got guards looking for him, but I don’t know where he is. He’d better _be_ here, though, in about ten minutes, because we’re going to start the meeting on time whether he’s here or not.”

Pidge gave her a suspicious glare, but tore out, going for the greenhouse. Keith wasn’t there, either. She glanced at a clock. It was time. She needed to head down to the meeting hall. She checked his room _one more time_ before sprinting to the meeting and puffing into her place only moments before it started. Hunk gave her a worried shake of his head, confirming what she’d thought.

“Green paladin?”

Pidge realized all eyes were on her. “Um. Yes?”

Iverson cleared his throat. “You had some information? From Sendak’s memories?”

“Oh! Yes! I—”

The door burst open, and Keith and Cosmo skidded through. Everyone turned their attention to glare at them. Sanda’s glare was the worst.

“Ah. Black paladin. To what do we owe this honor? Are we good enough for you yet?”

Keith’s face went bright red. “CosmowarpedusfarawayandIonlyjustgotback,” he mumbled, “Sorry.” He slid into his spot, giving a nod to Pidge, who was trying her hardest not to laugh. Keith’s stupid wolf had warped him. They’d been worrying and worrying about Sanda, and in the end, it was Keith’s own pet that had kidnapped him.

“Anyway,” Pidge said quickly, clearing her throat and drawing the attention from Keith, “Sendak’s memories told me that he plans to destroy Earth if we do not give in to him. He is turning our planet into a weapon to destroy us. That’s what the slave camps have been doing—that’s what the massive structures are. It’s called a Zyforge cannon, and it could destroy us all. We have to destroy it first.”

“No.”

Pidge bit back an exasperated sigh. Of _course_ it would be Sanda who objected.

“We need to establish communications first. See if we can compromise.”

Keith shook his head immediately, carefully not looking at Sanda. “Sendak doesn’t compromise. Either we surrender totally or we destroy him. He won’t surrender. He won’t back down. It’s kill him or be killed/enslaved. There’s no middle ground.”

“It’s the lions that he wants,” Sanda mused.

“We’re not giving him Voltron,” Allura said bluntly, “That’s something that _we_ won’t compromise on.”

“We need to _attack_,” Pidge stated again, “I realize the ‘sitting safe behind the particle barrier’ strategy may have worked for you so far, but it won’t work much longer! The Zyforge cannon _will_ destroy us. And we can’t let that happen. We need to attack, with the Atlas, the MFEs, _and _Voltron.”

“We’ll need our lions,” Lance added.

“And how are you supposed to get them? Anything slower than the MFE planes coming out of the particle barrier will be shot, and we can’t risk any spaceships.”

Pidge growled to herself. Why did Sanda have to be so quizneking _practical_? “We could make it,” she argued.

Her father shook his head regretfully. “We’ll need every bit of power we’ve got if we’re going to get the Atlas up and running. We can’t spare any to fuel a rocket. We can’t take you to your lions.”

“What if the lions came to us?” Keith mused.

“What?”

“The lions have a bond with us,” Keith said, “My lion has come to me before when I needed it. If we can start on our way to the cannon bases and call the lions on the way, we could launch a coordinated attack. The MFEs can get us to the points—”

“There’s a problem with that,” Iverson interrupted, “There are five Zyforge cannons. One is close—we don’t even need a MFE to get you there in time. But the other four are spread out, and we’ll need all four MFEs to get you there in time. We have the planes. But we’re missing a pilot.”

“Put James Griffin back out,” Pidge suggested immediately, “He’s already trained and works well with the other pilots.”

Sanda was already shaking her head. “No. Recent events have proved that he can’t follow orders. We can’t risk him disobeying orders while out on a mission as important as this.”

“He has no other record of rule-breaking,” Iverson offered, “It may have been a one-time—”

“And it may not have been,” Sanda broke him off, “While I’d be willing to risk it in another mission, the stakes are high, here. We can’t afford a single mistake. James Griffin can’t go. I’ll find you another pilot and train him.”

Pidge wasn’t so sure. “But your new pilot will be… well, _new_. Is it safe to put a rookie in a high-stakes mission like this?”

“My decision on James Griffin is _final_. I can’t trust him. I’ll find you a new pilot.”

“Calumniating old bat,” Pidge muttered under her breath. Next to her, a brief smile twitched across Keith’s face.

“Can you get the Atlas flying?” Iverson asked Pidge’s dad.

He looked worried. “Yes. I think.”

“You _think_?!”

“It would mean leaving the Garrison completely defenseless,” Sam warned, “But if I drain all of the power, I can fly her.”

Sanda gave a crisp nod. “That’s a risk we’ll have to take. Meeting adjourned.”

Xxx

Keith raced through the hallways to the medical wing, Allura on his heels.

“Do you think we can do it?” she puffed.

“Do what?”

“Summon our lions. We’ve never really tried it before. Well, except you.”

“We _have_ to do it,” he responded, “Otherwise Earth is doomed. And what do you think about the Atlas? Will it fly?”

Allura gave a rueful laugh. “You’d be better off asking Pidge or Hunk that question. It’s too different from the Castle for me to tell. If Sam says it’ll fly, I suppose it will.”

“Hm.” They reached the hallway where Shiro was, a big glass window all that was separating them. “Good. We didn’t miss it.”

Allura crossed her fingers, and Keith wondered where she’d picked that up. “Pidge and I worked on that together. I just hope…”

As the medtechs turned on the arm, it went berserk, hitting everything it could. Shiro passed out, and Keith lunged for the door. Allura yanked him back, something falling with a clatter to the ground. “Stay back! I can handle it!”

Keith watched as she ran inside, pacing the door, wanting to disobey her and run inside. Then he noticed her crown on the ground, the gem missing. Keith picked up the gold circlet. That must have made the clatter. What was she planning?

Allura wrestled the arm to the ground and ripped the power source out, putting the gem from her tiara inside instead. The arm immediately glowed blue and floated where it was supposed to be. Shiro’s face relaxed, and Keith let out a sigh of relief that turned to a prickle on his neck as Sanda passed by. Cosmo started a low, warning growl, and Keith shivered.

“Cold, black paladin?”

“Space was colder,” he said dismissively, not answering her question. _One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Deep breath. You’re not small and insignificant. You’re a paladin. Deep breath. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten_.

To his relief, she kept walking, turning down a different hallway. He relaxed, watching Shiro and the medtechs that swarmed him.

A tap on his arm startled him, and he whirled around to see a doctor, who gave him an apologetic grin.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. You’re the black paladin, right?”

Keith nodded. “I am.”

“Okay. Just making sure. Because of the red armor and all. Yes.” The doctor glanced around nervously. “I need to talk to you.”

“What about?”

“Admiral Sanda,” he whispered.

A chill ran down Keith’s spine. “What about her?”

The doctor glanced around again. “I—I’m not supposed to say, I could get in trouble, _big_ trouble, she might have me arrested, and—”

“Okay. Okay, calm down,” Keith ordered, although his heart was racing. “Start from the beginning.”

“Sanda, she… You can’t trust her. What she’s planning, what she wants to do to you… She… can we talk about this privately?”

Keith glanced back into the room. Shiro seemed to be doing fine. Allura was watching him—Allura, he had her circlet, he needed to give it back. She’d want it. Keith shook the dazed thoughts from his head. This was more important. He could give back the circlet later. He didn’t realize he was clutching it so tightly until he realized the point had left a red mark in his hand.

“Yeah,” he said in answer to the doctor, “Yeah, we can… sure.”

“Okay. Yes, over here. This is my office.”

The doctor led Keith to another room, Cosmo following behind. The instant Keith crossed the doorway, the door slammed shut, leaving Cosmo outside.

“Hold on, my wolf—”

Something slammed into the back of Keith’s head bringing with it an explosion of pain. Allura’s circlet dropped to the floor, and so did he, dazed. Ow. Ow, _stars_, that _hurt_! Keith reached for the edge of the examination table with a shaking hand, dragging himself up while the other hand went to the back of his head. Everything was so _fuzzy_, and the world was _spinning_, why was it _doing _that?!

“Ow,” he mumbled, blinking hard in an attempt to right the world. He blinked fuzzily at the doctor, who had gone from friendly and nervous to angry, his eyes filled with hate when he looked at Keith.

“You didn’t hit him hard enough! He’s still up!”

Keith blinked again, his confused brain trying to make sense of what was happening. “Uh?”

“Hit him again!”

Another starburst of pain as something cracked him in the skull again. Keith fell to the ground, his vision going even fuzzier than before, and the world around him turning dark. The last thing he saw was Allura’s circlet, glinting gold.

_But… I have to give it back…_

Xxx

Allura smiled at Shiro. “How are you feeling, then?”

He smiled back. “Good. Great, actually. I’m feeling better than I have in a long time.” He blinked. “There’s something different about you…” He squinted at her. “What happened to your circlet?”

“Oh! I dropped it in the hallway. It’s fine. I’ll get it. Keith’s out there, no one will steal it.”

Shiro looked out the window and frowned. “Allura? Keith’s… _not_ out there.”

Allura felt a chill settle over her as she looked at the empty window. She shook herself, told herself to stop being silly. She’d barely left him alone, and Cosmo was with him. The wolf wouldn’t let anything happen to his master.

She and Shiro went outside. Allura noticed that her circlet was gone. Keith must have picked it up. But where had he gone?

A ghostly howling filled the hallway, and Allura bolted for it, Shiro behind her. Cosmo was whining and howling, scratching at the door.

Shiro pulled the wolf away. “Hey, now. Calm down. Did Keith accidentally shut you out? Why didn’t you just warp in, buddy?”

Cosmo reared up on his hind legs, putting his front paws on Shiro’s shoulders and sticking his snout in his face, whining.

Allura felt another chill run down her spine. “Shiro… Shiro, I think something is wrong.”

Shiro pushed the wolf off of him. “Hey, now. I’ll let you in, don’t worry. Stop fussing. You’ve got some serious separation anxiety, don’t you?”

He opened the door, and Cosmo bounded in, running all around the room, barking and knocking everything over. Keith was nowhere in sight.

Shiro scratched his head. “What is that stupid wolf going on about? There’s nothing in here.”

A flash of gold caught Allura’s eye, and she picked up her circlet from the floor. Shiro saw it and grinned.

“Hey, you found it. Someone must have kicked it in here on accident.”

Allura clutched the circlet tightly, her face going pale and her hand nearly crushing the circlet in her grasp.

“Shiro. Shiro, Keith picked it up. I saw him. He had it.”

Shiro’s face went ghostly white. “What do you mean?”

“Shiro, he wouldn’t just leave it lying around—no possible way, he would have given it back to me. He was in here, which is why Cosmo wanted in, but he’s obviously not here anymore—something must have happened to him!”

Cosmo brought them something in his mouth, whining. It was a short piece of metal, nothing special, probably just a piece of piping. Allura picked it up, frowning, then spotted a bit of red on its grey surface. She put her hand to her mouth.

“Shiro, this has blood on it!”

Shiro’s new hand floated over and took the piping from Allura. As he saw the blood, his eyes widened, and the fist crushed the metal. “No… _Stars_, no!”

“Shiro, Keith’s been kidnapped!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, but for realsies this time, guys.


	6. The Barriers Between Us

Pidge stormed into Sanda’s office, her face red and angry. The other paladins were behind her. “What did you do?”

Sanda looked up from her computer. “Beg pardon?”

“What have you done with Keith?!”

“Is he missing again?”

“Yes, as if you didn’t already know!”

Sanda heaved a sigh. “Why is it that whenever he goes missing you immediately assume that _I’m_ the one at fault?”

“Gee, I don’t know,” Lance said sarcastically, “Maybe because you kidnapped and experimented on him before?”

The office went silent, and Pidge realized that none of them had ever outrightly put it out in the open. They’d stressed that they didn’t trust her, and that they wouldn’t put themselves under their command, but they’d never come out and told anyone exactly why they wouldn’t submit.

Sanda closed the computer. “Ah. I see. I wasn’t aware that you’d found out about that. Certainly explains quite a bit. Are you the reason for our mysterious virus, then?”

“I—what?”

“Nothing. Simply a bug in the system. Hm. Your black paladin is missing. I can assure you, I don’t have him. I need him in fighting shape if I’m going to get those blasted Galra off of Earth. I have no motive to hurt him. I don’t know where he is. However, I do have access to the security cameras, so…”

Sanda opened her computer again and turned it to face them after a few minutes. “There. He’s here, as you can see. With his wolf. He’s in the medical wing.”

“What?” Allura frowned. “That’s not possible. His wolf is in his room. Howling and generally making its distress known to everyone. Cosmo _can’t_ be there.”

Hunk tapped the timestamp at the bottom of the feed. “It’s not changing.”

Pidge tsked at the amateur mistake, and realized that the Keith in the feed wasn’t moving. “The feed is frozen. It’s showing the same image.” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You could change the feeds. You have access, and I’m sure you can freeze them. How do we know you’re not trying to cover your tracks?”

“My sanctimonious green paladin, I have no doubt that you too could do such a thing,” Sanda snapped, “How do I know that _you’re_ not the culprit?!”

“Keith is my friend! I would _never_ hurt him!”

“And he is the black paladin, who I need to defend Earth,” Sanda said exasperatedly, “I would not hurt him either! How am I supposed to drive off the Galra without him?!” She took in a deep breath, seeming to calm down. “I’ll put the guards on a lookout. If they see him, they’ll tell you.”

“He’s not just wandering around somewhere,” Shiro protested, “He’s been kidnapped! We need to search for him!”

“Excellent idea, why don’t you go do that?”

Pidge glared mutinously, but she knew she’d been out-talked. She whirled on her heel. “Come on. We’ll find him.” She shot Sanda a withering glare. “When we find the kidnapper, you had better lock them up!”

Sanda gave a cool nod, remaining decidedly un-withered. “So I shall. It’s not a big Garrison: he couldn’t have gone far, not if his wolf is still here. Go. I have a Garrison to run.”

Pidge rather thought that Sanda looked entirely too smug.

Xxx

Bright light was pressing on the outside of Keith’s eyes, urging him to open them. And he would, if it weren’t for the great throbbing mess that was his head. He gritted his teeth, waiting for the headache to go away. It didn’t, spreading from the back of his head. Keith finally forced his eyes open in slow blinks, squinting in the light.

“Ow…”

He started to sit up, and then pressure on his wrists stopped him. He looked to the side and saw restraints pinning him down, thick metal bands strapping his wrists and his ankles down to a table. He shivered, realizing that he didn’t have a shirt on—and his scars felt exposed, baring what had happened to him out to the world. Keith bit down on his lip, _hard_, and drew coppery-tasting blood. He winced. Okay. He was awake. He was horribly, horribly awake, and this was _real_.

Oh, stars. This was _real_. It was _real_! All of his nightmares had collected and hardened to form one real, horrifying reality.

_Count to ten. One. Two. Three_. Stars, what was going to happen, were they going to cut him open again? _Four. Five_. The doctor had lured him into a trap, who was he, was he working for Sanda, did the other paladins know he was gone? _Six. Seven. Eight_. Was Cosmo okay, had they hurt him, or had they left him outside the door? _Nine. Ten_. Suddenly, ridiculously, Keith thought of Allura’s circlet. Had she found it? Was she wearing it again?

The door opened, and the doctor from before came in, consulting a checkboard. “You’re awake.” He projected scans and glowing dimensional models of Keith’s body. Keith realized with a shiver that they were created from the scans that the Garrison had taken. How had he gotten access to those Unless Admiral Sanda had…

“You’re the only Galra in captivity. Only half, of course, but that can’t be helped.”

The doctor reached for Keith, as if about to examine his teeth, and Keith bit down on his finger. _Hard_. The doctor shrieked, and Keith bit down harder, drawing blood. The doctor hit him in the stomach, and Keith let go, gasping for air. The doctor examined his bleeding finger.

“Fine, then, if that’s how you want to play it,” he hissed.

Keith spat out blood. “Leave—me—alone!” he gasped, “Whatever Sanda has threatened or told you—I won’t let her do it. Just let me go!”

“Sanda hasn’t threatened me. She hasn’t promised me anything. I’m doing this of my own free will because I _want_ to.” The doctor came forward with an oxygen mask, and the world dropped away, Keith’s vision tunneling in on the mask.

“No—No, don’t put me under, no—”

Keith yanked desperately on the restraints, the metal biting into his skin. He shook his head from side to side, but the doctor grabbed him and strapped the mask on. Keith took one last desperate gulp of air and held his breath as a mist came through the mask along with the oxygen.

“You cannot hold your breath forever.”

In fact, Keith had timed himself in the Altean pool and could hold his breath for two minutes and seventeen seconds, when he was calm and not panicking.

However, he was definitely panicking.

He pulled harder at the restraints, hoping they would pull off—they didn’t look recently used, maybe they were old. _Come on, come on, come on_.

Keith’s lungs screamed at him to _take a breath_, and he did, sucking in the anesthetic and oxygen.

“There you go. That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Keith kept fighting, hoping desperately that if he kept himself active, the anesthetic wouldn’t work. But he could feel heaviness settling over his limbs, and despite his best effort, he slowed down and eventually couldn’t move at all.

But he stayed awake, aware of what was going on.

“Anesthetic awareness,” the doctor said proudly, poking some kind of IV line into his arm, “There’s not much written on it because normally, surgeons don’t _want_ their patients to feel what they do in surgery. It was hard for me to figure out how to constantly keep someone in the state of anesthetic awareness, but here we are!” He attached some small, flat disks to Keith’s head, and a computer lit up with a brain-monitoring program. “You can’t move, but you will be completely aware of your surroundings. Amazing, isn’t it? Don’t try to answer, you can’t.”

The doctor examined a tray of medical tools. “They locked your file up, but I got into it. I bounced around in degrees, you know, before deciding on a medical one. I learned how to program computers, and I reprogrammed a robot prototype to knock you out—it wasn’t _too_ different from computers.” He pointed to a deactivated robot in the corner. “I used the robot because I don’t trust my own strength, frankly, and I doubted I could get in close enough for tranquilizer.”

He held up a scalpel, and Keith’s heart sped up. _Stars. Stars, no, it’s happening. He’s going to cut me open, he—quiznek—count to ten—who am I kidding, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t do this, what if they don’t find me, what if he’s taken me out of the Garrison—_

Keith’s breath started to hitch in his throat as the blade of the knife touched his sternum. The doctor turned to look up at a camera that was recording the proceedings. “Medical diary entry—making the first incision now.”

The pain was sharp, cold, a quick cut, and then another one closer to his throat. Keith gulped, involuntary tears of pain rolling down his cheeks. Then came the scissors, neatly making the cuts wider, cutting down his skin, tearing through and connecting the cut.

_Stars, please. Please. Please_. Keith didn’t know what he was asking for or who he was asking, the words blending together as the scissors went _snip_.

_Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease_!

Xxx

Pidge pushed open a door, startling Griffin, who was cleaning up his room. “Pidge! What are you doing in here?!”

“Keith’s missing!”

“I’m not hiding him. Besides, I thought you found him?”

Pidge swatted him. “That was this morning! And Cosmo just warped him too far!”

Griffin shrugged. “So he did it again. His great big wolf warped him away, compromised security and brought drones down the border again.”

“Not possible.”

“Of course it is. He did it once, he could do it—”

“Cosmo’s still here, you great idiot!”

Griffin went silent. “Oh. Yeah. That might be a problem.”

Pidge felt tears of frustration welling up in her eyes. “We c-can’t f-find him, and I c-can’t use the security feeds because they’re c-compromised, and someone kid-kidnapped him, and could be doing a-anything!” She threw herself at Griffin, crying on his shoulder. “And he’s a-alone, and—and injured, and—and—”

Griffin patted her awkwardly. “Katie. Katie, slow down. Slow down. Tell me everything.”

“They found Cosmo outside a room,” she sniffled, “and Allura’s circlet was inside, and she saw Keith pick it up earlier, and he wasn’t anywhere, and there was a pipe with _blood_ on it and we can’t find him, James, and he’s not responding to any coms, and I can’t pick up the signal on his armor!”

“What about his dog?”

“I _told_ you, Cosmo is _here_, Keith _can’t _have warped away!”

“No. No, that’s not what I meant, Katie. I mean, can’t he warp to Keith?”

“I think he would’ve already if he knew where he was.”

“What’s he doing?”

“He’s shut up in Keith’s room, howling.”

Griffin started for the door. “Animals can track things down, even domestic animals. We’ll use the dog. Come on.”

Pidge bounded after him. “You’ll help?”

He wrinkled his nose. “I seem to be making a habit of hauling his butt out of trouble. Have you talked to Sanda?”

“She denies involvement.”

“She would.” Griffin opened the door to Keith’s room, and was knocked over by a wall of fur. Cosmo whined in his face, pinning him down. “Get off, you slobbery menace!”

Pidge dragged Cosmo off. “Do we just let him go loose?”

“No, hold on, we need something of Keith’s.” Griffin dived into the room and came back out with a lump of purple cloth. “He still has this thing? I’m impressed.”

“What is that?”

“His stuffed animal from, like, grade school. _Geeze_. That’s kind of weird, actually. Maybe he’s using it as a dog toy.” Griffin held the stuffed hippo under Cosmo’s nose. “Sniff.”

“Do you actually know how to do this?”

“Of course I do, I’ve watched enough movies, how different can it be?”

“Very different!” Pidge yelled as Cosmo took off down the hallway with Griffin chasing after him, “As in, Hollywood sucks and Cosmo isn’t a trained tracking dog!”

“He’s a wolf,” Griffin yelled back, “They’re born to track and hunt!”

Pidge sprinted after them, dodging Garrison guards that gave Cosmo annoyed looks. “Slow down!”

“Do you want to lose him?!”

Pidge nearly bowled someone over, and Allura steadied her. She’d crashed into Hunk.

“Pidge, what is Cosmo doing out? We locked him up so that he wouldn’t do precisely this!”

“Cosmo find Keith,” Pidge puffed, “Track him down. Lemmego, I’m going to lose them!”

“_Them_?!”

“Griffin’s idea!”

Allura released Pidge, and she bounded off after Cosmo’s constant howl. She found the wolf sniffing around a corner and then bolting again.

“Doesn’t this thing have a leash?” Griffin grumbled as he started running again.

“Never needed one before!”

The wolf warped through a door, and Pidge groaned. It was locked. “Can you get in?”

“I’m demoted, remember? I’m not allowed near their precious Atlas. In the unlikely event that I grab an MFE and make a run for it. Don’t _you_ have clearance?”

“They haven’t got my handprint yet. Hold on.”

Pidge levered off the cover of the control panel, playing with the wires. “Hunk could do this faster,” she grumbled as she poked around, “or if I had my computer—got it!”

The door opened, and they spotted Cosmo at the tunnel entrance, looking down the ladder, not quite sure how to get in. He warped again just as they reached him, and Pidge slid down the ladder fast, far faster than she would have normally. She took off after Cosmo and reached him just as he hit the particle barrier, whining and pawing it. Griffin came to a puffing halt next to her.

“He’s out there, then? In the tunnels?”

“I don’t know. Cosmo—”

The wolf disappeared and reappeared on the other side of the barrier.

“Bad wolf! Very bad wolf! Come back! Hey!”

Cosmo opted to keep running instead, his nose to the ground. Pidge pounded one fist against the barrier. “No!”

Griffin examined the barrier. “There has to be a shutoff switch, or something…”

“Yeah, and I bet it’s in Sanda’s office,” Pidge said bitterly, “So fat lot of good that does us.”

“Come on. Let’s see if she’ll let it down.”

“Griffin, she’s probably the one who kidnapped him! She’s not going to let us through, and she’ll claim it’s for ‘security purposes.’”

“We have to try,” Griffin said firmly, “We need to get all of the other paladins and go.”

“No.” Pidge shook her head. “I’ll get the paladins and go to her. You go back to your room.”

“What? Why?”

“You’re in hot water already. No sense fanning the flames. I don’t want Sanda to punish you any more than she already has, especially if we have to argue. Go back to your room. I’ll get you if we can go through the barrier.”

Griffin shook his head. “I’ll stay out of it. But I’m not going to my room. I’m going to be outside the office. You get her to shut it down.”

A small, grateful smile worked its way onto Pidge’s worried face. “Thank you.”

She ran back up the stairs. Most of the other paladins were already up there, Shiro the only one missing. “He’s with Iverson, trying to fix the cameras,” Allura explained.

“Won’t do any good. There aren’t any cameras in the tunnels, which is where he is, and the feed was already corrupted. We need him with us.”

They found him and marched straight to Sanda’s office, Griffin lurking outside. The Admiral looked up at them from a report on the Atlas.

“Did you find him?”

“No. We think he’s in the tunnels. We need you to take down the barrier so we can go through.”

“He can’t be through the barrier. How would he _get_ out there, especially if the wolf was on this side?”

Pidge took a deep breath, willing herself not to explode. “I don’t know. Maybe there’s another entrance somewhere. But Cosmo chased after his scent and found it outside of the particle barrier. We need it to be taken down so we can search.”

Admiral Sanda nodded thoughtfully. “Fine. I’ll take it down. On one condition.”

Shiro looked at her sharply. “What is it?”

“Those tunnels are a maze. There are only a few who know them and can find their way. You have to take one of those who know them down with you.”

“So we take my sister,” Lance said dismissively, “Problem solved.

“McClain is busy. I can’t spare her.”

Shiro frowned, and Pidge could see the wheels turning in his mind. “Who do you have in mind, then?”

“One condition, like I said. If I’m going to take down the particle barrier and let you into the tunnels…” She looked Shiro dead in the eye. “I’m going with you.”


	7. Found

Sanda let the particle barrier in the tunnels drop, and all of the paladins fanned out, going different ways in pairs. Sanda stopped in front of the tunnels, inhaling deeply through her nose. The tunnels were damp, and smells would be preserved in them, wafting through. She wrinkled her nose. And wolves were not known for their flowery scent.

She quickly chose the tunnel with the dog smell and walked briskly down it, using that dog scent again and again to follow the wolf’s path through the winding tunnels, making marks on the wall as she took turns so that she could find her way back. One tunnel had a single door in its side, and Sanda opened it, just in case.

Inside, the great cosmic wolf was lying on the floor, snoring softly. She frowned. That was odd. The creature hadn’t seemed like the type to give up mid-chase for a—

She dropped to the floor as darts whistled over her head, flying out into the open hallway. “Nice try.” In the middle of the room was an examination table, and she could barely see Kogane’s head of black hair poking out of a blanket, his eyes closed. She lifted the blanket and then quickly dropped it, her face pale.

An intercom system crackled to life. “Admiring your handiwork?”

Sanda whirled around, looking for a source. “Who are you? Why are you doing this?!”

“Dr. Ernold, at your service. I’d think you’d be pleased. After all, this is exactly what you did, isn’t it? I just traced over the lines of your work.”

“I _never_went this far!”

“You would have.”

“That’s not the point! Why would you go this far—the virus in the system, that was you, wasn’t it? And the frozen security cameras?”

“Yes. There were only a few reasons you could have for keeping the black paladin’s files secret, and I thought I’d rather like to see them. My theory was correct: he is Galra, or at least halfway so. Therefore, he must die with them, or at least suffer as us humans have suffered.”

“Why?”

“The Galra took _everything_from me!” Dr. Ernold roared, “It’s time their race got what was coming to them! My family was out there when they got here, and you—you wouldn’t let me get them. They could be dying, or already _dead_!”

“So, what, you injure Earth’s only chance?! Go after the paladins?! They’re all we have standing between us and total destruction, the only way we can get your family back! We can’t get rid of the Galra you hate so much without all of them!”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure your little deal with Sendak will work just as well with an injured black paladin as it would with a well one. He just wants them prisoners, doesn’t he? I doubt he cares what kind of shape they’re in, seeing as how he’ll probably just kill them anyway.”

Sanda’s blood chilled. “What are you talking about?”

Dr. Ernold chuckled. “I have been monitoring everything that goes on in the Garrison, opening doors for myself. That _stupid_wolf nearly ruined it, warping out of the particle barrier, but I’ve taken him out of the equation, sedated him. I have kept careful watch, and I know all about your little deal in the dark. You would _compromise_with the Galra, make deals with the ones who would destroy Earth.”

“It is necessary!”

“It’s _disgusting_. The only things those creatures are good for is killing them!”

“You’re _insane_.”

“Is that so? We’re the same, you and I. Just look at the black paladin. This scene looks familiar, doesn’t it? Kidnapping, secret lab, knocked-out paladin, experimentation?”

Sanda scowled, edging forward and pointing a finger at the camera watching her. “No. No, you’re wrong. I did what I did to defend Earth. You’re doing it out of some ideal of a sick, twisted revenge.”

“You’re so disgustingly self-righteous. All about defending Earth, keeping everyone safe. Face it. You’re no better than I, except that I _acknowledge_that my motive is anger. You know I’m right. Otherwise you wouldn’t be talking to me. I’m glad you’re like this. Otherwise, keeping you contained would be a lot harder.”

Sanda whirled around, expecting more darts, but what she saw instead was a robot in the corner she’d thought to be inanimate leap up and bring a metal pipe crashing into her temple.

“Got you,” Dr. Ernold chuckled.

Xxx

Pidge turned through the hallways, completely and utterly lost. “Griffin? Do you know where we are?”

“Um. No.”

“We’re lost. And GPS doesn’t work down here.”

“We’re not lost!”

“Griffin, there’s no one around who you have to ask for directions. Admit that we’re lost.”

Griffin held up a piece of chalk. “We’re not lost. I know that I’m not Veronica—I don’t have the tunnels memorized. And I know I’m not Leifsdottir and I can’t memorize the way we came. So I knew we’d probably get lost and I marked the tunnels we came through. We can at least make our way back from here.”

Pidge cursed herself for not thinking of that. “Why didn’t anyone ever draw a map of this place?!”

“They did. On a computer. That’s attached to the internet.”

“Which has no signal down here, I know,” Pidge finished with a sigh.

“You’re too reliant on computers and machines.”

“I am _not_!”

“You are. Come on. Let’s go back. We can try a different tunnel.”

“What if he’s down this one?!”

“He’s not.”

“How could you know that?!”

Griffin released a short breath. “Okay, they would have had to knock Keith out and carry him, right? Either that or drag him through the tunnels kicking and screaming. And they wouldn’t want to drag him this far doing either of those.”

“Maybe they drove.”

Griffin shook his head. “Good thought, but this tunnel is too narrow for much more than a motorcycle, which would have left a trail, and wouldn’t be a logical choice to carry an unconscious or struggling person anyway. Let’s go back and try a different tunnel.”

“Okay.”

Pidge followed Griffin back in relative silence, the only sound the tapping of their boots on the tunnel surface. Pidge attempted to contact the other paladins, but the interference in the tunnels made the connection impossible.

“Hey, Griffin?”

“Yes?”

“Do you…” Pidge gulped. “Do you think we’ll find him?”

Griffin paused to give her a puzzled look. “Why wouldn’t we?”

Pidge wished that she had even a fraction of his confidence. “Well—when someone is kidnapped, the likelihood of finding them decreases the longer they’re gone and—”

“Pidge—Keith _just_got kidnapped. _Today_. Like, maybe a few hours ago.”

The realization hit Pidge like a wrecking ball. Had they only gone to the war-planning this morning? Had Shiro only just barely gotten his new arm? It had all seemed so long ago, like they’d been looking for Keith for weeks.

“Today,” she whispered.

“Yeah. We’ll find him. They can’t have gotten far, not with Keith. You know how he is. I bet they’re all covered in bruises and cuts.”

“Cuts?”

“You think Keith won’t bite someone if they get too close? Or claw at them if he can’t hit them?”

Pidge allowed a small chuckle. “Fair.” Suddenly, her prospects felt so much better, and she was happy to follow Griffin back out into the tunnel entrance.

“Okay, where next.”

“Well, I think—” a small white mark on another tunnel caught her eye. “What’s that?”

Griffin glanced at it. “It’s a mark like I made. Probably one of the others came down this way.”

Pidge shook her head. “No. No, I saw all of the tunnels they went through. This wasn’t one of them.”

Hunk and Shiro emerged from one tunnel, Allura and Lance from another. “Nothing,” Shiro said gloomily.

Pidge whirled around. “Wait—where’s the Admiral?! She insisted on coming down here, where is she?” Her gaze flitted down the tunnel with the mark. “She must have gone that way!” Horror was rising up in her, making her feel sick. “That’s why she was so insistent. She wanted to come with us so she could run and move Keith before we found him down here! We’ve got to find them first!”

Pidge bolted down the tunnels, the other paladins following behind her. She pounded down hallways, flying around corners, following the little white marks Sanda had left behind. In a low whisper, probably spoken so she wouldn’t hear it, Griffin was talking to Lance.

“Do you think this is the right way?”

“Of course it’s the right way. The marks are here.”

“Yeah, but Sanda isn’t an idiot. She must have known that we’d find the markings and would follow them to find Keith. What if… what if she marked the tunnels wrong to throw us off?”

Pidge gulped, nearly stopping. Then she remembered that she wasn’t supposed to be able to hear their conversation, and she doggedly pushed on.

“Stars,” Lance whispered, “Do you think she did?”

“I don’t know.”

“Should we tell Shiro?”

“No. If he _is_this way, we need to find out, so we can’t just deem it a wild goose chase. But maybe hang back a little and keep a lookout for Sanda. Or any sign of Keith—the chalk trail might lead us one way while there’s a bit of evidence nearby.”

“Okay. Wait, hey, _I’m_a paladin, you don’t get to order me around!”

Pidge could practically hear Griffin rolling his eyes. “Okay, fine, _will _you do it. Please.”

“Of course I will,” Lance said magnanimously, and Pidge saw him drop back out of the corner of her eye.

Pidge skidded to a halt in front of a door. “This is it.” She reached for the door panel, more nervous than she really thought she had a right to be.

The door hissed open, and Pidge saw Cosmo, snoring. When she looked up, she saw a vaguely-startled doctor hovering over Keith, who was unconscious. She took a step forward, whipping out her bayard. Then she saw Admiral Sanda, handcuffed to a chair unconscious, a massive bruise blooming on her temple. Pidge heard a whirring noise, and saw three darts whirring through the air towards her, seeming to move in slow motion.

“Katie! Get down!”

Griffin hit the back of her knees, and she fell to the ground. The darts hit Griffin instead, two in the chest and one in the neck. He sat down with a surprised _thump_as Shiro, Allura and Hunk—Pidge had no clue where Lance was—vaulted over him and towards the doctor. Pidge crawled over to Griffin, satisfied that the others could handle the doctor.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just my legs are kind of numb and my tongue feefs funny.” Griffin frowned, his eyes unfocused. “Ugh. I mean my nongue feefs furnny. Urgh. Mynonguefeefsfurrrrrnny.” He keeled over, and Pidge plucked the darts out. Tranquilizer. She cast a worried look at Cosmo. Three darts had been enough to knock out a massive wolf. Was it safe that Griffin had been hit with them?”

The doctor had managed to avoid the angry paladins so far and had managed to get a scalpel to Keith’s throat. “Not one more step!” He clicked his tongue, and a deactivated robot in the corner hummed to life, marching towards the paladins.

Then it toppled over, clacking confusedly. Admiral Sanda glared coldly at it, one foot outstretched. The robot had tripped over her. “Crack me across the head, would you?” She brought one booted foot down heavily on its head, even though she was still handcuffed.

“Just put… the knife… down…” Shiro intoned calmly, edging towards the doctor, “No one has to get hurt.” He glanced at Keith’s face, and Pidge saw a glint of anger in his steel-grey eyes. “Anymore,” he added.

“Shiro,” Allura said quietly, pointing to an IV line that was going into Keith’s arm, “That machine looks like the Komar.”

Pidge hadn’t paid any attention to the line, assuming it was a saline drip or maybe pumping sedatives or painkillers into Keith, but then she realized that it was glowing. “The thing that…”

“Drained quintessence from planets,” Allura confirmed, her face lit up with horror, “How…?”

The doctor sneered. “The Garrison didn’t look much at Galra designs for anything but ships and robots. I looked at their science. I built a Komar, although it took far too long for me to figure out a power source—we don’t have anything like the druid magic here on Earth, but I made do. I didn’t believe that this quintessence existed, but I was wrong. Paladin quintessence ought to be strong, shouldn’t it?”

Allura howled in anger, and her whip lashed out, knocking the scalpel from the doctor’s hand. He backed away from the paladins advancing on him.

“Dr. Ernold,” Sanda said levelly, “Release me from the handcuffs and come quietly, and you won’t be harmed.”

“Says _you_,” Hunk growled, looking _very_un-Hunk-like.

Pidge cracked her knuckles, leaving Griffin on the floor. “_I’d_rather like to harm him. No promises from me.”

Even normally-unflappable Shiro looked like he would like nothing more than to rip Dr. Ernold apart with his bare hands. “Quintessence-sucking vampire.”

Sanda chuckled softly as Dr. Ernold backed away, his face a mask of terror. “You’ll want to take me up on my offer, Doctor. Otherwise you’ll answer to them, and I doubt they’ll be as kind as I. Unlock me and surrender.”

Cosmo stirred behind them and started to growl softly, his fur bristling and his hackles raised. Pidge grinned, but there was no joy in it. Only a fierce desire to see just how much electricity her bayard could pump out.

Dr. Ernold’s gaze flicked to Hunk, and Pidge saw his intention. He would bowl Hunk over, since the big paladin was probably the easiest to unbalance due to his size and the unwieldiness of his bayard. Then he’d make a break for the door.

“Hunk, watch out!” she yelled, and then felt something big slam into her, pushing her over and stepping on her on its way past. It happened so fast, Pidge didn’t feel when she hit the floor. Dr. Ernold had pushed her and run for the door, jumping over Cosmo and onto James, who gave a small groan in his sleep.

The doctor stumbled, but bolted and was gone in the blink of an eye. Allura slammed her fist into the wall, leaving a crack in the concrete. “NO!” She marched over to the Komar and ripped the line away, tying up the end so that the quintessence wouldn’t leak out.

“That son of a clanmural,” she growled, “I’m going to _rip his gizzard out_!”

“Allura,” Hunk piped up nervously, “I’m pretty sure only _birds_have gizzards.”

Shiro helped Pidge sit up. “Are you okay?”

Pidge nodded, still winded. “Just bruised.” She clenched her fist. “I can’t believe he got away! After what he’s done! I’m with Allura! Even if he _doesn’t_have a gizzard, I’m going to rip his out!”

Sanda tugged at the handcuffs irritably. “If it isn’t too much to ask your grand vigilante-nesses, could someone get me out of these?”

Allura eyed her suspiciously. “What happened?”

“He jumped me. Now get me out.” Sanda’s eyes hardened. “I’m going to catch him, and then he’ll regret this.”

“Too late,” Shiro said wearily, “He knows these tunnels better than us. He’ll be long gone by now.”

Outside, they heard a scuffle and curses, as well as many thumps, and the sound of boots hitting the wall.

“Settle _down_, would you?” Lance’s voice said irritably. Pidge remembered with a leap that he’d hung back, just in case, and she realized that must have been why he wasn’t in the fight.

The door hissed open, and revealed Lance standing there, holding onto the doctor’s arm, despite his struggles. “Hey, I found a scientist sneaking around outside. Have you guys lost one?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight delay, I had the plague. I'm fine now. It just messed up my writing schedule, so this chapter took longer than it normally would have.


	8. Trauma

Pidge bolted through the Garrison hallways, searching for a doctor—_any_doctor. She’d thought the quintessence drain had been the worst of it, but…

_“I wouldn’t lift that blanket if I were you. It’s not a pretty sight_.”

Shiro had ignored Sanda and had yanked back the blanket covering Keith. Pidge shuddered remembering, and then she saw a distinctive figure and ran towards her. “Dr. Jenny!”

The doctor turned to give her a surprised look. “Oh! Hi. What can I do for you?”

Pidge grabbed Dr. Jenny’s hand and started dragging her down the hallway. “Keith’s hurt real bad and we need a doctor, come on, please!”

Dr. Jenny kept pace with her. “Pidge, calm down. Tell me _exactly_what is wrong.”

“Some psycho cut Keith open—we found his video log, he was trying to dissect him _alive_, and he’s still alive, but we need you to fix him, or he won’t make it and—”

Dr. Jenny halted in her tracks. “Pidge. I can’t help you.”

“What? Of course you can, you’re a doctor.”

“I’m a general practitioner, Pidge. I can’t perform surgery, I might make it worse.”

“But Keith needs a _doctor_!”

“He needs a surgeon. I know one, we just have to find him. And hope that he listens to me and helps us,” she muttered under her breath. She started to run the opposite direction, and Pidge followed, trying to push away the horrible images in her head.

Keith had been cut right down his abdomen, and his skin had been pulled back, revealing his organs to the world. They’d interrupted Dr. Ernold right before he’d started on the head, and Keith had escaped lombotomy.

Pidge’s stomach rebelled as she remembered seeing his heart in his chest, slowly beating.

Dr. Jenny pointed. “Chris!”

Another doctor turned, saw them, and then bolted for it. Dr. Jenny swore, sprinting after him. “Get back here!”

“Interesting friend you’ve got,” Pidge snarked, running next to her. The name “Chris” bothered her, but she wasn’t quite sure why.

“We had a bit of a disagreement a few years ago,” Dr. Jenny panted, pushing through people, “I might have pinned him to the wall and shook him by the collar.”

“You _what_? Did he break up with you or something?!”

“No, he… you know what, I don’t want to talk about it. Point being, I was fired pretty soon after and he’s been avoiding me ever since I arrived here.”

Dr. Jenny put on an impossible burst of speed and tackled the other doctor to the floor. “Christopher! You listen to me!”

“Geeze, I said I was sorry, Jenny, why do you have to drag a _paladin_into this, come on—”

“Chris, this isn’t about us, this isn’t about what you did, this is about something now that we need your help with and you are connected to anyway! Keith is injured. He needs help.”

“No.”

“What?!”

“Last time I got involved with Keith Kogane, it was a _nightmare_and it ended with you shaking me by my shirt collar. Get off, Jennifer. Go help him yourself.”

Dr. Jenny got off, glaring. “Chris, he needs a surgeon! He needs someone who knows what they’re doing!”

“No, Jenny.”

“Please,” Pidge begged, tears welling up in her eyes, “Please, he needs help or he won’t make it! Please, we need someone who can help him!”

“No. I’m sorry, green paladin.”

Dr. Chris turned to go, and Dr. Jenny squared her shoulders. “You owe him!” she shouted angrily.

“What?”

“You owe him! You’d better help him, because you owe him after what you did to him!”

Pidge suddenly remembered why the name “Dr. Chris” made her nervous. Dr. Chris had been the one tht Keith had mentioned. The one that had done Sanda’s bidding. The one that had cut Keith open.

“No, Jenny. Find someone else. That kid is trouble. I don’t want anything to do with him.” Dr. Chris started to walk away.

Until a green bayard line wrapped around his legs and tripped him up. “We don’t have _time_for this!” Pidge said angrily, “You’re _going_to come with us, you’re _going_to help Keith, and you’re going to do it _now_, or I’m going to zap you!” Pidge didn’t really like using violence to get what she wanted, but she was desperate, and Dr. Jenny was right: Dr. Chris owed Keith.

“Please,” Dr. Jenny begged, “If we were _ever_friends…”

Dr. Chris looked between the two women, again and again, and then sighed. “Fine. Fine, although you would have wasted less time asking someone else. Just let me get some things, and we’ll go.”

Dr. Jenny threw her arms around his neck. “Thank you, Chris!”

“Yeah, sure,” he groused, pushing her off, “But stop chasing me down and shaking me around.”

Pidge’s heart soared. Keith was going to be okay.

Xxx

Keith could hear voices. Lots of voices. He couldn’t tell who any of them were. They seemed to be arguing over him, and how his heart was more difficult and dangerous, and he had to take some time. Keith’s eyes shot open, and he glanced around, realizing that his wrists and ankles weren’t shackled down.

There was Sanda. Big surprise. And he could recognize one of the voices as Dr. Chris. _I’m dreaming. I’m having a nightmare. It **has**to be. I can’t—they couldn’t have—**Stars**. Sanda. She has me. It was her, it was her the whole time_—

And then he heard Shiro’s voice. Shiro’s voice arguing that they had to do it fast. And there was Allura, and Pidge, standing to one side. Hunk and Lance were on the other, and a pale, sickly looking Griffin sitting in the corner with Coran and Dr. Jenny talking to him in low voices. They were all here. All of them. Why would they be here, why would they—

“He can’t wait, you have to fix him now,” Shiro ordered.

“I _told_you, the heart is tricky, and I have to make absolutely sure there’s nothing wrong before I operate,” Dr. Chris said in an aggrieved tone, “Do you want me to kill him on accident?”

They were in on it. Keith felt like the table was tilting and tumbling down beneath him. The other paladins—his _friends_were helping Sanda. They were _helping her_. They wanted to watch him suffer, or else they wanted to know how he was set up, just like everyone else, he’d thought they were different, but the whole time they’d just been _waiting_, they’d been laughing at him, gaining his trust, pretending like they _cared_at what had happened on Earth, that they cared about _him_, when they were just waiting until they could pounce.

Keith felt his breath hitch in his throat, and then Shiro glanced at him, horror dawning on his face.

“Quick, where’s the anesthetic?!”

No. No, Shiro _wouldn’t, _he knew how Keith hated it, he wouldn’t—

“Come _on_, Christopher, _before_the numbing effects wear off!”

No. No. No! Shiro didn’t want him to be able to move, he wanted Keith unconscious, not struggling! He wanted Keith’s limbs numb so they could cut him open!

With a massive surge of strength, Keith dragged himself up, whimpering. _Stars_, why did everything _hurt so much_?!

Like something out of a horror movie, a flap on Keith’s chest fell open, and Keith could see his own heart. A small, gross red piece of wet muscle that was pulsing inside of his chest, somehow, impossibly still going, even though the world was falling apart. He numbly reached towards it, not believing what he was seeing. No. This was a nightmare. This _had_to be a nightmare, and he needed to _wake up_!

Shiro caught his wrist. “Don’t touch it, bud, you’ll make it worse.”

Keith stared at the great gaping hole in his chest, unable to look away. Shiro put a hand over his eyes, pushing him back down.

And Keith started to scream.

He wasn’t sure why. Whatever they’d put him on was doing a pretty good job of keeping things numb. Maybe it was all of the stress, maybe it was the horror of seeing his own heart beating in his chest, or maybe it was because he wanted to _wake up_from this horrible nightmare, but whatever the case, he screamed. And he screamed. Dr. Chris finally found the anesthetic, and Keith shut his mouth. No. No. NO!

He didn’t realize he’d been screaming ‘no’ until Shiro was begging him to calm down, that they were trying to help him, and he was hurt badly, they were trying to fix him. Keith latched onto Shiro’s arm desperately.

“No. No, Shiro, don’t let them do this to me, _please_, I thought we were friends, I thought that you weren’t going to give up on me, I thought—I thought—I thought—”

“Keith, please. _Please_. You’re injured. You need help.”

“Don’t let him, _please_, don’t let him—”

“Keith. Keith, look at me. Bud. I’m not going to hurt you. Dr. Chris isn’t going to hurt you. We’re trying to help.”

Keith felt a pinch, and he saw a needle sticking out of his arm. Shiro was holding it. “I’m sorry, Keith. I’m sorry, but I had to, please, don’t look at me like that, I—”

Whatever excuses for his betrayal that Shiro was giving, Keith didn’t hear them. He didn’t know if it was what Shiro had injected into him or if he had just stopped caring. Shiro had betrayed him. The other paladins had stood by and watched. He was alone again. Of course. People left you. That was what they did. And they wouldn’t change.

He’d been an idiot to trust again.

Xxx

Shiro staggered back, crushing the syringe in his grip. Dr. Chris was busy checking Keith’s vitals and examining the hole in his chest.

“You did the right thing. I can finish now. Someone should get a gurney and tell the infirmary to set up a room. We can’t leave him down here.” Shiro nodded and backed away numbly. He glanced at James Griffin. He’d taken three tranquilizer darts saving Pidge, and his face was an ashen color. Coran assured him that he’d be fine soon.

“Can you stand?”

“Yeah,” he said queasily, wobbling to his feet. Then he turned green and sat back down. “Or maybe not.”

“Lance, you come with me,” Shiro ordered, “I’ll need help getting the gurney down the tunnel entrance.”

“Sure. How are we going to get Keith back up.”

“We’ll figure it out. Allura, can you come too? I want to talk to you about something.”

“Of course.” She followed them out. “I assume you want to talk about Keith’s quintessence?”

“Yes. Is he…”

“His quintessence is low. I can tell when I look at him. He’s feeling numb, and nothing will seem to make sense to him—he can’t think straight. He’s in danger of collapsing at any moment, which is why he was so easy to push down.”

“Okay. And the quintessence sucked out of him… can you, I don’t know, put it back in?”

“I—I don’t know. I’ve never tried anything like it.”

“Sure you did,” Lance piped up, “You infused Lotor’s ship with quintessence, didn’t you?”

“That was different. That was using my own quintessence to improve an inanimate object—putting pure quintessence into a living being is completely different. Even with the Balmera it was my own quintessence that I was infusing, not quintessence in its liquid form.”

Shiro frowned. “What do you suggest, then?”

Allura gave Shiro a gentle smile as they emerged from the tunnels. “Give it time. Let him rest. His quintessence will naturally replenish itself.”

Shiro ran his fingers through his bangs as he and Lance walked through the Garrison. “The attack is in two days.”

Lance nodded. “Yeah.”

“Keith won’t be ready. He won’t even be _close_to ready, he won’t have healed.”

Lance frowned, his face worried. “We can’t form Voltron without all of its paladins.”

“And we can’t hit all of the Zyforge cannons,” Shiro agreed.

Lance stopped dead in the hallway. “Shiro, what are we going to do?! There are too many people still out there—Hunk’s parents, all of the slaves—they’re all still in trouble! They’re counting on us! We can’t let them all down!”

“Lance. Lance, calm down. We’ll figure it out. Right now we need to help Keith. Okay?”

Lance took a deep breath as they walked into the infirmary. “Okay.”

“Good. You go get the gurney, I’ll get the doctors ready.”

Lance nodded and trotted off. Shiro explained the situation to the doctors in a low tone, hoping that not too many people would overhear—word certainly got around in the Garrison, and he didn’t want to demoralize everyone. The doctors were very understanding, and promised to have the room and any equipment Keith needed ready. Shiro nodded his thanks and met Lance with the gurney.

“Shiro?”

“Yes?”

Lance shivered. “Back when Keith was screaming… uh… it was kind of… terrifying,” he said finally, “absolutely terrifying.”

Shiro nodded in silent agreement.

“Um… Do you think he’ll be okay? Mentally, I mean.”

Shiro sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I… I don’t know,” he admitted, “I want to say yes, but he… he was so scared, and…”

“And… he thought we were helping Sanda hurt him,” Lance said quietly.

Shiro gave a short nod, finally admitting it to himself. “Yeah.”

Shiro used his mechanical hand to lower the gurney to Lance and they made their way back to the other room. Dr. Chris helped get Keith on the gurney and they wheeled him away, Cosmo following with a lot of mournful whining and whimpering. Griffin wobbled after them, still unsteady on his legs. Shiro stopped and waited for him to catch up.

“When we get to the infirmary, I want you to get checked out by the doctors.”

“It was just tranquilizer.”

“Tranquilizer that took down a wolf. Get checked out.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“And Griffin?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“Thank you. You didn’t have to do this.”

The kid grinned at him. “Well, maybe not, but it’s not like I’m doing anything anyway. And it’s much more interesting than staring at a wall mourning the loss of my MFE.”

Shiro glanced at Sanda.

“No,” she said shortly.

Shiro turned back to just barely see Griffin wipe a crestfallen look off of his face. “Um, sir, is he going to be okay?” Griffin nodded to Keith.

“Yeah. You heard Dr. Chris. He just needs to take it easy. Stay in bed.”

“Yeah, but it’s never that simple with Keith, is it? What are you going to do about Voltron?”

Shiro hesitated, then moved on, leaving Griffin to stagger his way on his own. There was some trouble trying to get the gurney up into the main Garrison, and they ended up using Shiro’s arm again. The doctors were waiting for them, and they bustled Keith away, taking him to the infirmary and to a hospital bed. There were a lot of IV lines and life-monitors, and doctors were pushing Shiro away and remarking how lucky Keith was to still be alive.

_Lucky_.

If he wasn’t completely mentally scarred by all of this. If he could live with the trauma. Shiro had watched the doctor’s video log. Keith had been _awake_for most of it. He’d seen _exactly_what was happening and had felt it, too.

_Stars_.

He must have been so _scared_. And Shiro hadn’t been there. No one had. He’d been all alone, and now he probably thought that Shiro had betrayed him to Sanda.

Cosmo pushed his muzzle against Shiro’s hand with a whine, staring at Keith. Shiro buried his hand in the wolf’s fur, fighting back his own panic. Keith was down for the count. They had no black paladin.

He hadn’t replied to Griffin’s question, because he’d been scared of the answer.

Because for the first time in his life, he had no idea what to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And if you look carefully, you can pinpoint the exact moment that I said "screw science and medicine and, like, the actual laws of anesthesia and physics and whatnot, we're doing angst."


	9. Exposed

Shiro sat on the end of Keith’s bed. “Is there any change?”

“No,” a doctor replied, his voice confused, “He _should_be awake—maybe not at this particular moment, but he hasn’t woken up _at all_since you’ve brought him here, even though his vitals stabilized about six hours ago. We check on him frequently, so the chances of him only waking up when we’re not around are miniscule.”

“It’s the quintessence drain,” Allura said confidently, “He doesn’t have the energy.”

“Ah.” That wasn’t really the doctor’s area—he had no idea what this magic-y stuff was.

“Tell us if he… if anything happens. Any change.”

“Of course, sir.”

They left the room and the door clicked shut behind them. Keith opened his eyes, slowly at first to make sure they were really gone, and then completely. He released a sigh of relief. The infirmary had been built first, so the doors weren’t automatic. The click of the door alerted him when someone was coming in, and he could pretend to be asleep.

He heaved a sigh. Allura was right. He was _tired_. His fingers trailed absentmindedly to his stomach, feeling the bandages through his thin shirt. They couldn’t find out he was awake. If they did… he didn’t know. And that scared him. He’d never expected a betrayal, not from the other paladins, and now he knew he couldn’t predict what they’d do. Sanda, at least, had been an enemy that he’d _known_. Sure, everyone _seemed_friendly enough. They didn’t lock the doors and it _seemed_like he could leave the minute he wanted to. But he knew if he tried, they’d have guards swarming him.

If he was being honest, he was surprised that his “pretending to be asleep” routine was working. He kept waiting for someone to shake him to wake him up, or poke him in the stomach to see if he was really asleep. But so far they seemed content not to bother him as long as he pretended that he wasn’t awake.

_I’m trapped_.

The intercom crackled to life, and the screen on the wall for public announcements turned on. Keith’s blood turned to ice, and he yanked the blanket over his head, shaking.

“No. No, no, no, they locked him up, they _promised_that they locked him up.”

But when he looked, there was Dr. Ernold, looking arrogantly at him from the screen. Keith pulled the blanket back up, trying to block his analytical stare. But he couldn’t stop the voice, even when he stuffed his fingers in his ears.

“We have welcomed the paladins of Voltron into the Garrison with open arms, believing they will save us.”

_Maybe they just wanted to pretend to be my friend. So I’d let my guard down. And then they’d sic **him**on me. Or Dr. Chris, because they knew that he did it before, so he was perfect, why else would he be there, why **him**_?!

“But are they really here to save us? We know next to nothing about them! And in fact, we have welcomed in our very enemy! There is a Galra, right here in the Garrison! And Admiral Sanda has tried her hardest to hide this fact, aided and abetted by Commander Iverson! One of our worst enemies is living with you!”

Keith’s curiosity got the best of him, and he cautiously poked his head out of the blanket. Dr. Ernold’s face had been replaced by a picture of _him_. Then Keith noticed the timestamp on the bottom. This was pre-recorded. A small sigh of relief escaped him. Dr. Ernold was locked up.

“The black paladin, who we all welcomed as a savior is one of them!”

Keith gulped, watching the screen. “No,” he murmured, “Don’t say it…”

“Keith Kogane is a Galra!”

Xxx

Shiro pushed his way towards Sanda, who was busy yelling at some poor technician.

“What do you _mean_, you can’t turn it off?!” she shouted, her face red.

“We’re locked out! The video has to play to completion!”

“Admiral!”

“Dr. Ernold left a little surprise for us,” she growled, “I’m beginning to think that incarceration is too kind for him. I note he didn’t leave his little _experiment_in this video, at least not yet.”

“Keith Kogane is a Galra!” the video announced.

Shiro felt a chill run down his spine. “Oh. Oh, no. He’s—_stars_, that’s clever. The Garrison will—with all of these people here—I’ve got to get to Keith!”

He bolted, sprinting through the hallways. The doctors were waiting for him around Keith’s door. “He’s barricaded himself in,” one of them said with a scowl, and Shiro thought he looked not very Keith-friendly.

“What’s going on?”

“Pushed the bed in front of the door. Wouldn’t even wake up fifteen minutes ago, but now he can push his bed around? He must have been pretending. Tricking us.”

“He’s not a traitor,” Shiro said hotly.

“You said it, not me,” the doctor said coolly.

Shiro decided he didn’t like this man. “Could you leave us, please?” They did, dispersing slowly. Shiro turned the handle and found that the door wouldn’t move. So, he really _had_barricaded himself in. Shiro wasn’t sure whether to praise him for being tactically smart to keep the rest of the Garrison out, or scold him for blocking out the world. He knocked. “Keith? Can you let me in?”

“NO!” a muffled voice said from behind the door, “Go away!”

Shiro blinked. “Buddy? Are you okay?”

“No! And it’s your fault!”

His fault? Shiro guiltily remembered the syringe. “Keith, I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

There was a sound like a snort and a sob mixed together. “Stop trying to trick me!”

“Keith, I’m not trying to trick you. I just want to help you.”

“GO AWAY!” There was a muffled sob. “Just go away.”

“Keith?”

“Just leave me alone,” the voice behind the door moaned, “Please, just—just stay away. I just want to be left alone.”

“Did you see-?”

“Yes! Go away!” Keith’s voice was getting more frantic, like he was scared Shiro was going to break the door down to get in.

“Keith, I’m worried—”

“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Shiro paused. He’d _never_heard Keith talk to him like that. “Okay,” he said softly, “If that’s what you really want.”

“It _is_.”

Shiro left the door, searching for the other paladins. He needed backup.

Xxx

Keith squeezed his arms close to his stomach. He was _not_okay. Everything _hurt_under the bandages, and he was _tired_. Moving the bed had been _hard_, but he’d known it was the only way to keep everyone out. He wrapped the blanket around himself. It wasn’t _fair_, Shiro pretending that he _cared_, that he wanted to _help_. He was _lying_, tricking him.

It wasn’t _fair_. They all had tricked him, had wanted Dr. Chris to—to cut him open, probably. They didn’t care about him. But Keith couldn’t help caring about _them_, and he felt a little pit in his stomach, all hollow where he knew that he cared about them, but they wouldn’t even notice if he was gone. Or they _would _notice and they’d _celebrate_it, which was worse.

Why did he _care_so much? Why did he keep hoping that maybe, just maybe, they wanted to help him? That maybe they still cared, somewhere deep down. That after all of the team bonding they’d done, after all they’d been through together, maybe they didn’t want to hurt him.

Keith squeezed himself tighter, wishing his wolf was here. He’d heard them talking about it, and they’d nixed the idea because Cosmo was “unsanitary”, but Keith knew the truth. They didn’t want him to get away. And Cosmo could warp him away.

Keith put his forehead on his knees. He wanted to sleep. He was tired. But he’d unhooked all of the IV lines and pushed the machines against the door, and that included the one that had dripped painkillers into him. And he missed it already. _Stars_.

_I want to go home_.

The thought hit him with unusual clarity. Where was home, though? Back in the desert? On the castle? Keith remembered the sleepovers in the common room, all of the fun and laughter and the pit in his stomach got wider. Had they been acting even then? Making him feel safe and happy while planning to hand him over to Sanda?

Keith rocked back and forth, biting his lip as tears sprang to his eyes. _I don’t know what to do. Where to go. Stars, I want to go back. I want.._. What he wanted more than anything was to have Shiro give him a hug and tell him that “it’ll be okay, bud.” But he couldn’t have that.

_I want to go home_.

Xxx

Pidge shifted uncomfortably. The others were watching her as she knocked on the door. “Keith?” There was no response. “It’s me, Pidge. Can you open the door?”

“No.”

“Keith?”

“Why can’t you go away, why won’t you leave me alone, I just want to be alone, why do you keep coming, why can’t you just leave me alone?!” Muffled sobs broke out, and Pidge took a step back.

“Keith? We’re all out here. We just… we want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m not. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, and you don’t _care_, stop acting like you _care_, just _go away_!”

“All of us?”

“Yes!”

“Seriously?” Griffin yelled through the door, “I got shot with _three_tranquilizer darts in your rescue, and Pidge hauled me out of _rest_to come talk to you, and you won’t even let us in?!”

There was quiet.

Xxx

Keith was trying to piece together memories. When he’d woken up and tried to get away, Griffin had been in the corner. He hadn’t looked so good. Griffin had helped him before, when the _Garrison_was the one holding him hostage. Had he tried again and gotten shot with tranquilizer darts? Keith didn’t know who would have had those. Maybe Sanda? Maybe Griffin knew a way out.

“Okay. You can come in. No one else.”

There was a moment of pause. “Wait, seriously?”

“Yes. Just you.”

“Okay.” Griffin sounded stunned. “You going to open this door?”

Keith shivered. “Are the others still there?”

“Shoo,” he heard Griffin whispering, “_Yes_, I’ll make sure he’s okay, _yes_, I’ll tell him everything, now _shoo_, or he won’t let me in, and you’ll be back to square one.” There was the sound of feet tapping down the hall, then Griffin’s voice. “Okay. Just me.”

Keith nodded to himself. Griffin might be his only way out.

Xxx

Griffin shrugged as he pushed the door open. He honestly had just been annoyed at Keith for being so paranoid and had wanted to yell at him. He hadn’t expected to be let in. Keith was back against the opposite wall, pressing his arms to his stomach and looking anxiously past Griffin at the hallway. Griffin shut the door, holding up his hands placatingly.

“Hey. I’m alone. Promise.”

Keith let his arms drop, and Griffin spotted blood on his shirt.

“Holy stars, what happened to you?!”

Keith looked down, as if surprised to see the blood, and blinked. “I don’t know,” he said hoarsely, “I guess I might have ripped out stitches moving the bed.”

Then his eyes rolled up in his head, and he passed out. Griffin swore, jumping forward and just barely catching him before his head thunked against the ground.

“You’re a real idiot,” he scolded, dragging Keith to the bed. His legs wobbled, and he fell to the ground, cursing Dr. Ernold and his stupid tranquilizer darts. The doctors had told him to take it easy, just in case, because the dosage had _definitely _been too high. Griffin shuddered. Pidge was smaller than he was. If she’d gotten hit… she might have to have more care than just “taking it easy.”

There was a knock on the door, and Griffin peered out. There was a Garrison soldier outside, clutching his gun. “Is it true? That the black paladin is Galra?”

“I don’t know,” Griffin said irritably, “Either way, you’ve heard about the Blade of Marmora, right? Galra resistance fighters? _Obviously_, there are okay Galra out there. That guy in the video was just trying to divide the Garrison.”

“But—”

“Good_bye_.” Griffin slammed the door shut. Keith started and woke up.

“Ah!”

“You’re fine. Just me. Slamming the door. Why did we ever get automatic doors? They’re much more fun when you can slam them shut.”

Keith blinked.

“Uh, Earth to Keith? If you ripped stiches, then you need a doctor.”

“NO!”

Griffin took a startled step back at his convention. “Whoa, calm down.”

“No doctors.”

“Okay. Right. Just bleed out then, why don’t you?”

Keith scowled, pressing his arms against his stomach with a wince. “You’re annoying.”

“You mean that I have _common sense_, something you appear to be sadly lacking in? You’re right. Now, the other paladins—”

“Don’t let them in!”

“Keith, what the heck, they’re your friends!”

Keith’s scowl deepened, and he stared at the floor. “No, they’re not.”

“What…? Explain, please?”

“They—they—” Keith cut off and continued to glare at the floor as if it had personally offended him.

“Okay, full sentences please.”

“They betrayed me! They were there, letting Dr. Chris—”

The full picture hit Griffin. “Oh. Oh, okay, you woke up at _way _the wrong time. That’s not what—_geeze_. Okay.”

Keith gave him a curious look. “Didn’t they tranquilize you?”

“What? No, that wasn’t them. Okay. Keith, we were trying to _rescue _you. You—you were hurt pretty bad.” Griffin made a face. “It was kind of gross. And then… uh… well, we needed to fix you.”

“With _Dr. Chris_?!”

“Yeeeeeeeah, maybe not the best choice, but he was the first one they found and they were worried that you weren’t going to make it.”

“But… Shiro…”

“What?”

“He…”

“What, tranquilized you so your heart wouldn’t fall out of your chest? Such a horrible thing for him to do, saving your life. How could he?”

“Griffin?”

“Yeah?”

“Is there any way out of here?”

“What? No. Not with the barrier. Why?”

“I want to leave.”

Griffin snorted. “And get blasted to bits by the Galra? No thanks. I’m not getting you out of here so that you can get yourself killed. Speaking of which, I’m going to get a doctor.”

Keith grabbed his wrist as he started towards the door. “No!”

Griffin wrenched away. “This is what’s good for you, Keith.”

“I don’t trust them! They were all outside my room, and I could hear them talking about how I was Galra!”

Griffin paused, curiosity getting the better of him. “Is that why your eyes…”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Griffin considered the problem. That probably wasn’t Keith being paranoid. This was a legitimate problem. Which was probably what Dr. Ernold had intended. “I’ll get Dr. Jenny, okay? She can probably do stiches. I’ll help you barricade the door.”

“How are you going to get out?”

“Window. It locks from the inside. We’ll figure this out. Is it okay if I bring the other paladins next time?”

Keith bit his lip and shook his head. Griffin nearly threw up his arms in exasperation. Good _Lord_. What was _wrong _with him?

“Okay,” he replied, trying to keep his voice neutral, “Right. I’ll be back.” He pressed his ear to the door, listening. He heard a doctor whispering about how they were “helping a Galra,” and that they needed to figure out how to get in the room. He pulled away. “I think we need to get the barricade in place,” he said shakily. Was this how Keith felt all of the time? Not knowing who to trust?

_I’m in **way **over my head_, he thought ruefully, _again_.


	10. Rule-Breakers

Pidge tapped Shiro on the shoulder. The other paladins were behind her. “It’s time.”

Shiro broke off from where he was watching Dr. Ernold’s video journal. Watching it made him want to punch something, probably Dr. Ernold, and it made him feel sick to his stomach. But he kept watching, because he had to understand. He had to know what Keith had been through. But now it was time to go. They’d come to Earth for a reason, and the paladins needed to fulfill that reason.

“I can’t summon the black lion.”

“Why?”

“The black lion… it doesn’t want me. Keith is its paladin, and it won’t change its mind.”

“What?! But it did before! For the clone, I mean.”

“I think that’s because it couldn’t have Keith, because Keith was being pulled with the Blade.”

“Well, now he’s being pulled towards the doctors!”

“Pidge.”

“We need Voltron.”

“You’ll have to manage without. I’m sorry, Pidge. I can’t help you much. We’ll try to get the Atlas up and running to help you, but that’s all I can do.”

Lance shuddered. “How are we supposed to take down all of the cannons?!”

“Change of plan. All three of the MFE’s will converge on one cannon, and you’ll have to fly your lions to the others.”

“What about Keith?” Hunk asked, “Who’s going to watch him? The Garrison and resistance members don’t have very many nice things to say about him, and we’ve been keeping watch on his room, but now what? Who’s going to keep an eye on him and make sure they don’t try anything while we’re gone?”

“James Griffin,” Shiro told them, “I’ve already asked him to. He didn’t seem pleased, exactly, but he agreed.” He turned to Lance. “You’re the right hand of Voltron. That means you’re in charge now.”

Lance looked stunned. “Me?”

“Yes, Lance. You. You’re taking point for this mission.”

“I’m sorry, _what_?” Pidge sputtered.

“It’s not permanent, but you guys need a leader. I’m here. Keith’s out of commission. Lance is your best option.”

Allura nodded firmly. “I believe Lance can do it. Like Shiro said, it’s only temporary, and Lance is the next in command.”

“Yikes,” Lance muttered softly with a gulp, “Okay. Team—get your lions to you!”

Xxx

Keith was sitting cross-legged on the ground, watching Griffin pace the room. “What’s going on?”

“The other paladins have gone.”

The feelings of distrust and abandonment were back in full force. “They _left_?!” They’d left him here? With a bunch of very anti-Galra people who knew he was Galra? _Alone_? They’d flown away without him?! Maybe he didn’t trust them or their motives, but at least they wanted him alive, unlike 90% of the Garrison!

Griffin gave him an odd look. “You know… to defeat Sendak, save the Earth, et cetera?”

Keith put a hand to his chest where he could feel his heart beating through the bandages. “I thought you meant they’d _left_left.”

“What? No.” Griffin continued pacing.

“Could you stop that, maybe?”

“Stop what?”

“Pacing. You’re making _me_anxious watching you.”

“Well, my squadron is out there, and Sanda never found a replacement pilot for them! They’re not flying with the full set! They’re used to there being another plane! She’s compromised _all_of their training”

“Well—”

The hospital room disappeared, and Keith could see space. And Galra ships. And the lions, getting blasted. He opened his eyes with a gasp.

“The paladins are in trouble!”

“What?”

“My bond with the black lion—I could see—they’re in trouble!”

“Impossible, Sendak had no clue they were coming. It was an easy in-and-out. Well, maybe not easy, but not, like, a suicide mission”

“Well, somehow he _did_know! And he’s—I’ve got to get to my lion!” He had to get out there.

_Why? They wouldn’t do the same for you_.

That didn’t matter. What mattered was that he _would_save them—even after what they’d done, he couldn’t watch them die. He cursed himself for being so attached, but he couldn’t let them go. They’d been through so much together that even if it _had_been fake, he couldn’t pretend he hadn’t let them into his heart.

Griffin crossed his arms. “Uh-uh. You’re staying _right_here.”

“Who’s going to stop me?”

“_I_am! I promised Shiro I wouldn’t let you do anything dumb!”

“But—”

“You’re in _no_shape to be running around! You’ll just get yourself killed!”

“But—” an idea hit Keith. “What happened to the quintessence they drained?”

“What?”

“Dr. Ernold. He drained my quintessence. Where is it?”

“I think Allura had it in her room.”

“Okay. I need it.”

“What? She said she couldn’t put it back in you! What do you think you’re going to do with it?”

“Once when I was injured, quintessence spilled on me and it healed me! If I just do that with my injuries—”

“Yeah, your _cuts_will heal, but there was still _internal_damage!” Griffin looked at him. His face must have been very obvious, because Griffin started shaking his head. “No. Oh, no. You aren’t planning to _swallow_it, are you?!”

“It’ll be fine.”

“You have _no idea_what that stuff might do to you! It could be _toxic_for all you know!”

“It came from me. It won’t hurt me.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“We’ll see.”

“You can’t leave this room. There are _way_too many anti-Galrans out here. You won’t make it. Plus, you really shouldn’t be moving anyway.”

“You could get it.”

“Gah…” Griffin sighed. “I’ll go get it. Fine. That’s fine. Keep the door barricaded. I’ll come back through the window.”

He swung one leg out the window. “Good luck,” Keith said softly.

“You,” Griffin grumbled as he disappeared from view, “are a real pain in the neck.”

Xxx

Griffin slid through another window, landing on ground with an ungraceful “oof.”

“Ehhhh, the quintessence will heal me if I _drink_it,” he muttered in a bad imitation of Keith as he dusted himself off, “Let’s just ingest a substance we know nothing about, it’ll be fine because it came from my body! Yeah, well, you’re not going to start drinking your own _blood_are you, moron? That comes from you too, but I don’t think you’ll drink _that_to heal yourself. _Stars_, he’s going to get himself _killed_one day! And he’ll probably get _me_killed while he’s at it!”

Griffin opened the door and walked right into a group of resistance soldiers. “Hey, I thought you were supposed to be launching the Atlas?”

“And _you’re_supposed to be making sure that Galra kid doesn’t get what’s coming to him.” The face of the soldier who’d spoken lit up. “Hey… if you’re not with him…”

“Keith’s not your enemy, why does everyone have such a hard time with this concept? He might be annoying and unlikable, but at least he’s on our side, geeze.”

“Galra sympathizer,” one of them hissed.

“Uh—what? No, thank you. I want them gone too, but I’m not going to be _racist_about it. Keith’s the black paladin, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Yes there is,” someone hissed, and then they were grabbing for Griffin. He ducked under a woman’s arm and rammed his shoulder right under her ribcage, making a dash for it. He was Garrison-trained, and they were former citizens, so he left them in the dust easily. But then, it wasn’t him they wanted, was it?

A foot stretched out across his path, and he went flying, tumbling into an impressive heap against the wall. A Garrison soldier was leering at him. “You’re the one the resistance fighters were after?”

“Nope,” Griffin wheezed, picking himself up off of the ground, “Misunderstanding.” He ducked a fist, the breeze from the blow rustling his hair. “Oh, come _on_! We’re all on the same side, here!”

“No, we’re not! You’d let some of the Galra stay here!”

Griffin dodged and blocked blows. “Literally only one! The one who happens to be half human! And also a paladin of Voltron! I’m not suggesting we proclaim it open season for Earth-hunting for goodness sake! Come on!”

While he was talking, a single fist got past his defense and careened into his eye. He staggered back, wincing, then turned and kept running, accompanied by a jeer from the guard. Dr. Ernold had succeeded. He hadn’t given the paladins a chance to explain Keith’s origins. He’d made it that they were hiding the identity of the black paladin, made the paladins the bad guys.

_Stars, I’d like to give **him**a black eye_.

Griffin threw open the door to Keith’s room. Cosmo thumped his tail and jumped on him, pinning him to the floor, panting happily.

Griffin wrinkled his nose at the dog breath. “Mm, yes, nice to see you too. Get off.”

Cosmo obediently climbed off and sat, awaiting orders. Griffin and Pidge had taken to training him, but he still didn’t seem to understand the concept of not jumping on top of Griffin whenever he saw him. Griffin didn’t get that: he didn’t do it to anyone else.

“You want to see Keith?”

Cosmo barked excitedly, forgetting his training and turning happy circles, knocking over a bedside table.

“Yes, yes, very good, you want to see him now? You want to see Keith, boy?”

Cosmo barked more.

“If you want to see Keith, stand at attention.”

Cosmo held still, watching Griffin with a plaintive whine, his whole body wiggling with excitement. Griffin put a tentative hand on his mane.

“Okay, let’s go see Keith.”

They disappeared and reappeared in the hospital room. Cosmo gave a great, excited bark and ran towards his owner, pushing his muzzle into Keith’s stomach. Griffin winced, and so did Keith, clutching his belly. Cosmo backed off with a whine, licking Keith’s head.

Griffin had to laugh at how his hair stuck up, but the laugh died fast as someone pounded on the door. “Oh, right. That.”

Keith gave the door a sharp look. “What’s going on?”

“There are some anti-Galra people out there. I had to just grab Cosmo and go.”

“Is that what happened to your face?”

“Even when I’m not antagonizing you, I still seem to end up punched in the face because of you. We need to get out of here.” He touched Cosmo again. “Allura’s room.”

All three of them disappeared and reappeared in Allura’s room. Griffin opened a drawer and pulled out a glowing container. “Whoa.”

Keith felt queasy looking at his own quintessence floating in a jar. He snatched it away from Griffin as he started to shake it. “Give me that.”

“So… what now?”

Another vision slammed into Keith’s head, of the lions being herded together.

“Now I heal myself. Then we get in your MFE and you fly me out of here so I can call my lion.”

“Whoa!” Griffin held up his hands. “Hold it! Back up a second! I am _not_getting in the MFE! Absolutely no way!”

“Why not? Isn’t that what you want?”

Griffin gave him a look that implied Keith had lost his mind. “Not against orders! I’ll go when I’m reinstated!”

Keith rolled his eyes. “Would it _kill_you to break the rules every once in a while?”

Griffin crossed his arms. “Let’s see, the first time I broke the rules was to get you out of Sanda’s grasp. I spent the whole time I was hiding you and weeks after you were gone paranoid that she’d find out. I was absolutely miserable. The second time I stepped out of line was to defend you guys even after Sanda told me to shut up. I got thrown from my MFE and stripped of my rank. And you want me to break the rules by _stealing Garrison property_and then _defying orders_to fly into a_war zone_! Suffice to say, I think breaking the rules this time will _actually_kill me, yes!” He stepped back, breathing heavily.

Keith blinked. He hadn’t considered that response. “Okay. Yeah. That’s true. But I used to _always_break the rules, and look where it got me!”

“Dissected on a table and sewn back together?”

Keith barely refrained from rolling his eyes. “No! I mean, yes, but that’s not what I meant! A series of broken rules made me a _paladin_!”

“Your life philosophy is incredibly skewed.”

“That’s not the point!”

“Rrrrrrrrrrrrrgh….” Griffin shifted from one foot to another. “Gah! Fine! I’ll do it, because my team needs me, and yours needs you! But if we die, I’m going to _kill_you!”

“You’ll have to get in line.”

“I will cut in that line! I get first dibs on killing you!”

Despite the gravity of the situation, Keith felt an insolent smile tug at the corners of his mouth. “Cutting in line? You mean breaking the rules?”

“Shut up and drink your glowing magic potion!”

Keith unscrewed the lid and looked at the quintessence inside. Suddenly, he didn’t feel as sure about this. He took off his shirt and unwrapped the bandages, dipping his fingers in the quintessence and dabbing it on the stitched-up cuts on his abdomen. The cuts shimmered and slowly closed up, fading into scars like the cuts had been made years ago.

“Stop beating around the bush,” he muttered to himself, and drank some of the quintessence.

Immediately, he felt like his guts had burst into flames. Liquid fire seared through him, and he doubled over, gasping. He could hear Cosmo barking and Griffin calling his name, but he couldn’t respond as the world around him took on a different hue, every detail, every speck of dust clear.

And then, as quickly as it had started, the feeling stopped. Keith blinked. Something was missing. Something… and then he realized. There was absolutely no pressure on his chest. Nothing restricting his breathing. He looked up at Griffin.

“Griffin…”

“Yes?”

“Griffin…”

“_What_?” Griffin snapped.

“I think the quintessence healed my asthma.”

Griffin’s jaw dropped open. “Oh my stars, I forgot about that. Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure.”

“Is it permanent?”

Keith thought of Zarkon and his constant quest for more quintessence. “I… I don’t think so.”

“Can’t have it all. You should take that jar with you. In case it wears off and you start to keel over.”

“Yeah…” Keith tucked the jar into a pocket in a daze. He could breathe completely clearly for the first time in _years_. Suddenly, Zarkon’s motives seemed a lot less pointless. Still evil actions, but Keith finally knew why he’d do it.

“Hangar,” Griffin ordered Cosmo, and they disappeared, coming out a few feet from the door.

Keith crouched to look Cosmo in the eye. “You be careful. Dodge the anti-Galra people, okay, buddy?”

Cosmo thumped his tail in agreement, and Keith straightened. He and Griffin walked into the hangar and Griffin pointed to his plane. There was a guard.

“There.”

“You distract him. I’ll knock him out,” Keith whispered.

“Uh-uh. You’re still absolutely weak. _I’ll_knock him out. Go on.”

Keith walked towards the guard, his eyes bugging out of his head. He knew that guard. He was one of the ones that had been there. With Sanda.

_Why do I keep running into these people_?!

The guard spotted him, and dropped his weapon. “I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt me! I didn’t want to do it, Sanda ordered me to, please don’t take revenge?”

Keith blinked in confusion. This guy seemed as scared of Keith as Keith was of him. “Um…”

Griffin seemed to swoop out of nowhere, planting a firm boot in the guard’s head. “Well, that was weird,” he remarked as the guard went down, “What was _his_problem?”

Keith headed to the plane, and Griffin clambered into the cockpit. He turned back to face Keith. “Before we take off, there are a few things I want you to know.”

“What?”

Griffin pointed a finger at him. “I hate you.”

“Okay.”

The finger went up and came down for another point. “This is a stupid plan.”

“I’ll take it into consideration.”

One more up and down of the finger. “We’re going to die.”

Keith raised an eyebrow. “Is that it?”

“That’s it. Are you fine with all of that?”

“Just peachy.”

“Alright.” Griffin cracked his knuckles and settled into his seat, buckling himself in and wrapping his hands around the controls. “Buckle up, everyone. Let’s get this bird in the air.


	11. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just read a great murder mystery, and now I'm in the mood for a mystery AU, ahhhhhhh!

Keith watched the particle barrier get closer and closer. “Um—I didn’t think about that.”

“I did. Hold on to your hat, we have to time this right.”

“Time what?”

“The barrier should shut down in three… two… one…” The barrier powered down, and they shot free. “You start calling your fancy-pants lion now, okay?”

“How did you know…?”

“They’re taking down the barrier to power the Atlas. Lion. Now. Concentrate.”

“Right.” Keith closed his eyes, reaching out with his consciousness for his lion. A growl answered, and minutes later, the lion was flying outside of the MFE.

“Should I land?” Griffin yelled back.

Keith unbuckled himself and opened the cockpit. “No.”

Griffin swore, and the plane dipped as he lost concentration. “You idiot! Are you trying to get yourself—”

Whatever he was trying to say was cut off as Keith jumped. The lion caught him, and they blasted up, towards the firefight in the sky. The lions had been herded together by cruisers, but Keith cut through one easily with his jawblade.

The other paladin’s faces appeared on his screen.

“Keith!”

Keith flinched, but recovered easily. They had a common enemy. He didn’t have to worry. For now, at least.

“Thanks for the rescue,” Hunk said, “But should you be doing this?”

“I swallowed some quintessence. I’m healed, for now at least.”

Allura looked like she’d bitten into a lemon. “You _what_?!”

“No time, we need to—” Keith was cut off by a tractor beam hitting their lions. “NO!” The pressure in the lion started to rise, and electricity jolted through the beam and into the lions. Keith jolted, his vision fading out.

_I thought… we had a common enemy… Did they set me up_?

Keith’s eyes didn’t open again until he was thrown on a hard ground, and they threatened to close again at any minute. He could see the other paladins, limp on the ground, and Sanda’s boots walked into his view.

_What_…?

“I kept my end of the deal,” she said crisply, “Now you pull your forces off of Earth.”

“What deal?” Sendak said in an amused voice, “The Galra don’t make deals with our slaves.”

“You backstabbing traitor! You said you’d leave Earth alone if I brought you the paladins!”

_She betrayed us? Guess I’m not **that**surprised_…

“I would never make a deal with a little creature like you. Lock up the paladins,” Sendak ordered, “And lock up the Earthling while you’re at it. Separate cells.”

Keith’s vision went black again, and when he woke up for sure this time, he was locked up in a cell. “Hey?” he called tentatively. “Are you guys here?” The sudden idea of the possibility that Sendak had killed them, or put them somewhere else made that yawning, hollow pit open in his stomach again. Was he alone?!

“I’m here,” Lance called wearily, and Keith sagged with relief. At least one of them was here. He wasn’t alone.

“Me too,” Pidge called.

“Present,” Hunk added.

“I am here,” Allura finished, “What happened?”

“Sanda sold us out,” Keith said angrily, ashamed for thinking that the other paladins had lured him into a trap and unduly happy that they were all there and unhurt.

“I did it for Earth,” Sanda said hollowly, and Keith could tell she was in the cell next to him, “Sendak told me that he would leave Earth alone if I told him your plans and helped him catch you. He reneged on his end of the bargain.”

“We _told _you that you couldn’t compromise with him!” Pidge said angrily.

“Yes. You did. And I should have listened.”

Keith heard Lance angrily punch the wall. “And now we’re stuck here!”

“Maybe not,” Keith said quietly.

“What?”

“We called our lions to us from another _planet_. Surely we can call them from right here?”

“But if Sendak suspects anything, he’ll have us killed,” Hunk fretted.

Pidge had a shrug in her voice. “That’s a risk we’ll have to take. He’ll probably kill us anyway, so we might as well go down swinging.”

“_Stars_,” Lance grumbled, “That was such a Keith thing to say. Don’t _you_start acting like him, Pidge.”

Despite the gravity of the situation, Keith let a small chuckle escape. “Alright. Focus. We’ve got to get them here _fast_.”

He closed his eyes, concentration on black. The lion growled in answer, and Keith grinned. They were as good as gone. The ship shook and tore as the lions broke free, and a sentry marched down. They managed to get out of their cells, the doors broken by the lions’ onslaught. The sentries kept them pinned down, and Keith’s mind raced for a solution.

He didn’t have to find one. Sanda rushed the sentries, destroying one before the other one managed to shoot her in the side. Keith rushed out of his hiding and sliced through the sentry before it even registered that he’d moved.

Sanda made a choking noise. “Ah.”

Keith barely spared a glance at her as he concentrated on guiding his lion to him.

“Black paladin. _Keith_.”

He glanced at her. “You don’t get to call me by my first name. My _friends_call me by my first name.”

“Fine. That’s warranted, Kogane.” She let out a shaky breath. “Everything I do… I do for Earth.”

“So, what you sold out Earth’s only hope?” Lance questioned, “Yeah, _that_was a smart move!”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Her face creased with pain. “Kogane. What I did to you, I did in the interests of protecting Earth.”

“That doesn’t make it okay!” Keith yelled, “Do you even _know_what you did?”

Her eyes met his, steely calm even though she was dying. “Yes. I _do_know.”

“I don’t think you do!”

“Kogane.”

“You think you can just justify anything with ‘I did it for Earth,’ but that’s getting _really_old, _really_fast. Why can’t you just say that what you did was wrong, and you shouldn’t have done it?!”

“Kogane.”

“What will it take for you to admit that you—”

“Kogane!”

“What?!” Keith said poisonously.

“What I did was wrong.”

Keith stopped, mid-rant.

“I ruined your life. And it didn’t even accomplish anything. Even after what I did to you, we were woefully unprepared for what the Galra brought with them. I wasted time, I hurt you, and it brought us no closer to helping Earth. I shouldn’t have done it.” She started coughing.

Keith was vaguely aware that his jaw was hanging open, but he didn’t close it.

Sanda finished her coughing fit. “I was wrong. I was cruel to you. Believe me, I took no pleasure in what I did. It was simply something that had to be done.”

And somehow, that was worse. Because she hadn’t cared either way.

“Then _why_?!”

“Because I had to,” she said simply, “Because at the time, I truly believed that I was legitimately finding out more about a potentially hostile alien race. But before I die…” She started coughing again. “Before I die, I want to apologize. I’m sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong, it was cruel, and I hurt you, I think, in ways that I don’t know. So I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes, grimacing with pain. “There’s a flash drive in my office with a video on it explaining everything to the rest of the Garrison. I will take the fall for concealing your Galra heritage. I explain everything. I cannot undo the damage Dr. Ernold did, but I can try to at least put a patch on it. And again, I’m sorry. Do you think… that in any way… you can forgive me?”

Keith thought about everything she’d put him through. He thought about the starvation and dehydration, the terror, the uncertainty, the insecurity, and all of the physical pain. All while she stood by and coldly watched, detached and calm. He took a deep breath. “No. I don’t think I can. Not now. Maybe not ever.”

A faint smile crossed her lips. “That’s no more than I deserve. I didn’t really expect any forgiveness, nor do I think I deserve it. I know it doesn’t help, and it doesn’t erase what happened to you. What I _did_to you. But I am truly sorry. For everything.”

She gasped, convulsing, and then went still. Keith turned away. What he’d said was true. He didn’t think forgiveness was an option for him, not for this. Maybe that made him selfish. But he just didn’t think he could. And even if he _was_selfish, he wasn’t a liar.

Maybe one day, in the very far-off future, when he’d become some kind of mellow adult (although he doubted that would ever happen) he could forgive her._Maybe_. But today? Keith fingered his scars, new and old. No. Not today.

Xxx

Keith sat in his new hospital bed, watching a feed being shown to the rest of the Garrison. Shiro had retrieved the flash drive because all of the paladins were hospitalized, after the explosion from the robeast. Keith fingered the bandage around his head with a wince. He’d had a splitting headache ever since he’d woken up, and the effects of the quintessence had long faded away—every movement hurt, and it was only because he’d begged them not to that the doctors hadn’t stuck a bunch of IV lines in him. As it was, they still kept coming in and checking on him. They’d seemed a lot friendlier after he’d nearly gotten himself blown up trying to drag that stupid robeast into the sky. Go figure.

Sanda was on the screen. Keith remembered that she’d died, which seemed to keep slipping from his mind. It didn’t seem _real_, it didn’t seem _possible_that the reason for all of his nightmares and all of the terror and pain over the years was just… gone. Dead in a few moments. One shot.

“Members of the Garrison and of the resistance,” the Sanda recording said, “You have recently heard that the black paladin is one of the Galra. This is true. You have also been led to believe that the paladins have been deliberately holding this information from you. This is false. The paladins have not been hiding this from you: _I_have. I feared division in the Garrison, so I kept the origins of the black paladin secret.”

She took a deep breath and continued. “Years ago, I ordered an investigation into Keith Kogane’s heritage. And when he was pronounced dead, I went a step further. I had him abducted. And I had tests performed on him. Tests that were inhumane. All because of his heritage. As you might think, this leaves good reason not to tell others about his parents because if that was how I reacted, others might react even worse. So I hid the truth from all of you.

However, despite what I did to him, he returned to Earth. Why? To save us all. He was willing to work with me—the one who ordered him to be tested on—for no reason other than that he wanted to help save us. Even through our world was never kind to him, he bravely came back to help us in our hour of need. Sometimes, you must look past what someone seems to be and look at their actions to tell who they really are.

Keith Kogane has proved that not all Galra are the monsters who conquered us. I know that we have all suffered at the hands of the Galra. I know that you are angry at them. But save your anger for the true fight—the war against Sendak and those who would destroy planets. Do not waste your anger on one who is willing to _save_planets.” She gave a crisp nod. “I trust you all to obey orders.”

The camera fizzled out, leaving Keith speechless. He still didn’t like Sanda. He still wasn’t about to forgive her. But he hadn’t known that she even knew what a compliment _was_, let alone how to _give_one. He shrugged, settling down into his bed. He could hear murmuring outside, but he didn’t have time to worry about it. He was _way_too tired to let it bother him.

His dreams were full of snakes and fire, and Dr. Ernold ran through them, chasing after him with a glowing knife. Sanda cornered him with her taser stick, and a not-Shiro laughed, his pupils slit. And then someone was gently shaking his shoulder.

“Keith?”

He cracked his eyes open, squinting. Someone handed him something metal, a familiar dagger with a glowing rune. He looked up into Krolia’s face.

“Mom?”

She gave him a worried smile. “I leave you alone for a few months, and you go and get a head injury?”

“Sorry.”

“Keith, I…” Krolia gulped. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Shiro told me… he told me what happened. I shouldn’t have left you again.”

“You had to track down the remainders of the Blade. It was important. I understand.”

“I wasn’t here to protect you, even though when I found you I told myself I wouldn’t let you get hurt! But—”

“Mom. It’s okay.”

“I still feel like I should have _been_here. Like I should have kept that—that _scientist_from getting his hands on you.”

Cosmo agreed with a bark, putting his head on Keith’s bed and presenting his head to be scratched.

“Krolia,” Kolivan’s voice said chidingly, “You couldn’t have known.”

Keith just about jumped out of his skin. He hadn’t seen Kolivan until he’d spoken. “Sir!” He struggled to sit up, head throbbing and still-healing abdominal muscles screaming at him to stop.

A faint smile crossed Kolivan’s face. “Keith. Don’t strain yourself.”

Keith fell back on the bed. “Sorry.”

Krolia gave him a searching look. “Keith. Shiro told me _everything_. Are you sure you want to stay a paladin? No one would blame you if you didn’t. If you can’t trust the people you work with, then you’ll fall apart. You could come with me, and we wouldn’t have to see them. If that’s what you want.”

Keith thought of Shiro, sedating him. Of Dr. Chris hovering over him with surgical tools. Of everyone standing by, even though he’d been scared and confused and just so _lost_.

But then he’d thought of the empty feeling inside when he’d thought they’d left him. His panic when he’d seen them being cornered through the black lion’s eyes. Of how relieved he’d been to find that they were all alive on Sendak’s ship. How he’d jumped out to kill Sendak without a second thought when he’d seen him threatening Shiro. Of all of their experiences together, good and bad.

“I’m going to stay,” he announced, “I was _meant_to be a paladin. The black lion chose me. And I can’t leave them.” Maybe he’d have trouble looking at the other paladins sometimes. But he loved them. And love meant that he would push through the trouble to be with them.

She smiled at him. “You’re an adult now, aren’t you?”

He bristled. “I’ve _been_an adult!”

“Physically. But not mentally. But you’ve grown. Matured. You’ll make a good black paladin.”

He settled back down, not entirely mollified. Then the door burst open, and all four MFE pilots burst in. One of the girls, Rizavi, he remembered, gave him a quick, friendly hug before whirling away, her usual maniacal grin on her face.

“Hi!”

He blinked. “Hi. What was that for?”

“For getting Griffin’s butt back in his plane! If you hadn’t dragged him out there, our bacon would be well and truly cooked.” She rolled her eyes at Griffin. “_Some_one has no appreciation for _breaking the rules_.”

“I like staying out of trouble,” he said stiffly, “There’s nothing wrong with that. Whereas there’s nothing _good_about getting in hot water or breaking the rules.”

“Statistically speaking, a stupid, dangerous experience doing something that’s against the rules will strengthen a bond between a group of people, especially if the group of people is in the thirteen to twenty range,” Leifsdottir said in her odd monotone, making everyone look at her, “The adrenaline and excitement from the experience draws them together.” She shrugged. “So sometimes rules are made to be broken.”

Rizavi threw an arm around her teammate. “I always knew I liked you, Ina.” She beamed at Krolia. “Are you one of the Galra resistance fighters?”

Krolia nodded, smiling a little at her enthusiasm. “I am.”

“That’s so _cool_! Your knives turn into swords, right? Amazing. I’d love for you guys to teach me some ninja skills!”

“Okay, visiting time is over,” James announced, and Kinkade helped him shoo Rizavi out of the room. “Rocks-for-brains needs rest, and if you start giving him ideas about ninja training, we’re going to end up with a black paladin in the hospital for _forever_. No launch into the space-war. No ninja skills.” He herded Ina out and started to close the door.

“Hey, Griffin?” Keith called as he left.

Griffin poked his head back in the room. “What?”

“You were wrong. We didn’t die.”

Griffin pointed one finger at him. “Maybe not. But it was still a stupid plan. And I still hate you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I assure you, I well and truly do.” Griffin disappeared, shutting the door behind him. Krolia chuckled.

“Who was that?”

“A friend, I think.”

Krolia chuckled again. “You’ve sure got a charming bunch of friends.”

Keith felt a crooked grin spread across his face. “Yeah. I do, don’t I?”

“What’s next on your list, then? After you recover?”

“Actually, there’s somewhere I want to take you.”

Xxx

“Hey, Dad.” Keith placed a bunch of flowers on a gravestone. “Sorry that it’s been awhile. I’ve been up in space. Fighting aliens, can you believe it? Oh, and I found Mom.” He glanced back at his mother, who was giving him a little space, but still staying close. “I know I never believed you when you said that she cared about us, but I do now.” He shrugged. “Sanda died. We’re going up into space again, so I’ll be awhile. Just thought I’d let you know.”

He felt his mother come up behind him, a steady presence, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Goodbye,” Keith said quietly, and he wasn’t just saying it to his father. He was saying it to everything that had happened before. None of the bad things that had had happened on Earth mattered anymore. Sure, they’d still haunt him, and probably give him nightmares still. But that part of his life had died with Sanda, and he was moving on.

Human.

Galra.

Neither of those words mattered. Only five words mattered to him as far as who and what he was.

Leader.

Friend.

Family.

Paladin.

And most of all: _loved_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, that was so sweet I nearly threw up writing it. So, that's about it. Aside from updating Breathe Out, this series is over.


End file.
